Asalamualikum I met a married man in 2012 I knew of his circumstances and he asked me to become his second wife. I eventually agreed and then he put off doing the nikkah for 2 years. In May 2017 he then agreed to do it, after the Nikkah he told me he would have to keep his distance as his first wife and parents weren’t happy with what he had done. I gave him money on the day of the nikkah so he could give it to me for mehr in the mosque. It’s been 2 years since we have been married and he refuses to get us a home we can share, I currently live with my mother miles away from him. He sees me every 4 weeks and I have to travel to him and he books a hotel or I do. He refuses to give me a child. He calls me maybe twice a week if he isn’t busy. My father and only brother have passed away, I run my own business and don’t need help financially but he doesn’t pay for anything for me. I buy him expensive gifts and he takes them happily but I don’t get anything in return. He tells me if I don’t like the way things are I should try and find someone better. I had a relationship before I met him over 10 years before. I told him everything and now he throws it back in my face and says I’m damaged goods. I’m completely broken and don’t have anyone I can talk to, I pray to allah swt that I can find a way out of this. He gets so angry at me and if I get annoyed at how things are he says talaq three times, then asks to take me back. He has done this 4 times now. I don’t know what to do anymore. I haven’t told my mum as it would hurt her too much and she doesn’t have the emotional strength. Please advise a sister Jazak Allah
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Sister in Islam,
We take note of the contents of your e-mail. We make dua Allah grants you courage to overcome this challenge.
You state that your husband has said Talāq three times, and he has done this a total of four times now.
In principle, if a husband issues his wife three Tālaqs, that constitute Talāq-e-Mugallazah (a permanently irrevocable divorce), then the Nikah terminates immediately. [i]
Accordingly, your Nikah has terminated from the first time your ex-husband pronounced the three divorces. You are not husband and wife anymore.
The relationship with him after the Nikah had terminated was haram. [ii] You should make Tauba and Istighfaar for that.
Sister, accept the decree of Shariah. Turn to Allah and seek his help and move on in life. A woman does not need to subject herself to abuse and humiliation.
We make Dua Allah grant you the courage to overcome this challenge and Allah grant you peace and happiness. Turn to Allah with Dua and Zikr. Allah says:
أَلا بِذِكْرِ اللَّهِ تَطْمَئِنُّ الْقُلُوبُ [الرَّعْدِ: 28]
Translation: Behold! Hearts are contented with the zikr of allah (Contentment of the heart is one of the greatest benefits of zikr, which removes distress and restlessness from the heart.) Surah Raad: Verse 28.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Student – Darul Iftaa
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
[i] الأصل للشيباني ط قطر (4/ 392)
ولا تحل له امرأته إذا وقع الثلاث تطليقات حتى تنكح زوجاً غيره ويدخل بها. وبلغنا عن رسول الله – صلى الله عليه وسلم – أنه إذا طلق الرجل امرأته ثلاثاً فتزوجت زوجاً غيره أنها لا تحل للأول حتى يدخل بها الثاني ثم يطلقه. ه
معنى الحديث ثابت مشهور. انظر: صحيح البخاري، الطلاق، 37 وصحيح مسلم، النكاح، 111
فَإِنْ طَلَّقَهَا فَلَا تَحِلُّ لَهُ مِنْ بَعْدُ حَتَّى تَنْكِحَ زَوْجًا غَيْرَهُ فَإِنْ طَلَّقَهَا فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْهِمَا أَنْ يَتَرَاجَعَا إِنْ ظَنَّا أَنْ يُقِيمَا حُدُودَ اللَّهِ …الخ
[ii] شرح مختصر الطحاوي للجصاص (5/ 61)
قال أبو جعفر: (ومن طلق امرأته ثلاثًا في كلمة واحدة، وقد دخل بها، أو لم يدخل: طلقت ثلاثًا، ولا تحل له إلا بعد زوج يدخل بها).
قال أبو بكر: أما وقوع الثلاث معًا على المدخول بها، فهو إجماع السلف من الصدر الأول، ومن بعدهم من التابعين، وفقهاء الأمصار.
ولم يجعل أصحابنا قول من نفى من وقوع الثلاث معًا خلافًا؛ لأنهم قالوا فيمن طلق امرأته ثلاثًا معًا، ثم وطئها في العدة: أن عليه الحد، ولم يجعلوا قول من نفى وقوعه بشبهة في سقوط الحد عنه.