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Problems with mother-in-law

Answered according to Hanafi Fiqh by Askimam.org

Asak I have been married for 12 years now and have had constant problems from my in-laws. Then I moved to another country with my husband n lived very happily until my mother-in-law and sister-In-law with her family started living with us. To make matters worse my brother In law too made advances at me. Due to that problems multiplied for me. It has come to an extent that my husband every few days threatens to leave me. My mother in law is constantly poisoning his mind against me. I am sacared that all this might actually lead to my divorce. I have kids too. My husband would take care of me a lot before n is a very nice father too. Quite naturally I want to protect my family. Will I be wrong islamically if I ask my husband to stop my mother in law to stay with me. I have been tirtured enough by all my in laws so much so that it has strained my relationship with my husband. I have tried to talk to my husband to make his mother understand the damage her actions are causing us. All my efforts to win her heart have gone in vain. I am extremely depressed and not able to focus on my kids. I am worried that if I ask him to make other arrangements for his mother he might most probably live with me but not happily. Will it be good on his part to live n not love me just because I asked him to make his mother live elsewhere. Please tell me if anything else can be done. Talking n negotiating for all these years and even actions to win her love have all gone in vain. Please help me.

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

You state your husband would take good care of you. You also state he is a good father. You have kids and you wish to save your family.

Living with in laws is emotionally challenging and draining too. If you do not have an easy option to live separately, you will have to practise on the principle of ‘lesser of the two evils’.

While living with your mother in law is challenging, a divorce is worse. We advise you seek your husband’s advice on how to conduct yourself in such a situation. Both of you love each other and have the common interest in the children. Trust his advices and abide by them. There is no escape from Sabr and tolerance. For that, turn to Allah with Salah, Zikr and Dua.

{اسْتَعِينُوا بِالصَّبْرِ وَالصَّلَاةِ إِنَّ اللَّهَ مَعَ الصَّابِرِينَ} [البقرة: 153]

Translation: Seek help with patience and Salaah. Truly! Allah is with the patient ones. (Surah Baqarah, Ayat:153)

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Ridhwan Ur Rahman

Student Darul Iftaa
Cardiff, Wales, UK 

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

This answer was collected from Askimam.org, which is operated under the supervision of Mufti Ebrahim Desai from South Africa.

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