Answered by Ustadha Zaynab Ansari, SunniPath Academy Teacher
I am a brother who is seeking marriage. I know of a sister who looks like she has the qualities of a righteous muslimah and am intending on proposing marriage to her. I do not know anything about this sister and dont know anyone who can guide me to find information about her family or her walis name or contacts. All i have is an email address of the sister. I guess the approach I took from here wasn’t exactly proper but I had no other alternative- I approached her directly and asked to get to know her and asked for her fathers name etc. but she does not respond. What do u advice for me to do in this troubled situation?
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
Dear Brother,
I pray this message finds you in good health and iman.
You did not do anything wrong by asking the sister for her father’s information.
I do not know the sister, but I can only guess from her lack of response that she is either already married or not interested.
The best course of action in any situation is to make salat al-istikhara, the guidance prayer. The details are available at
http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=1&ID=1056&CATE=4
Based upon the results of your istikhara you can either continue pursuing the situation by trying to locate the woman’s family or someone who knows her. Or, you can move on and try to find a sister who is more receptive.
My suggestion would be to talk to the Imam of the masjid or a pious person who is respected by the community. Why not seek their advice on what to do, or ask them if they could send a message to the sister on your behalf? That way, you’re still respecting the limits of gender interaction and making sure you get a definite answer from the sister.
And Allah knows best.