Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
My father had two marriages and left us financially and emotionally alone. He kept in contact with my mother. I have been living alone for two years and find it very hard to survive alone. I rejected many proposals because my parents enjoy their life freely and separately.
I decided to marry, and the suitor asked me to meet my parents at home. I told my parents, but they seemed uninterested because they are scattered, and no one lives together. Can I marry without the consent of my parents to avoid fornication?
Answer
I empathize with you because living alone is not easy. Consider it a mercy that Allah Most High sent you a suitor; this can be the solution that will complete half of your religion and change your life.
According to the majority opinion of scholars, it is necessary that you have your father act as a guardian for your marriage, as he is still living. [The witnesses of my marriage were not there. Is my marriage valid? (Shafi’i)]
I have seen more than one instance where a daughter is not close to her father or has not lived with him her whole life, but he does show up for her nikah to hand her over to her husband officially. Although you may not think he cares, this big event might be necessary for him.
Allow him to have a presence in your life and tell him that you will not be able to get married without him. Also, ask your mother to come and meet his family. See this as an opportunity to bring them together and get along peacefully. It will only be a matter of time before they want to see your children and spend more time with your family Insha Allah.
Also, consider how it will look to his family if your parents are not present at the marriage contract or even accept the proposal. It might draw flags, and you don’t want to seem like family is unimportant to you. Your parents are alive and well, and you should request their support and presence until the formalities are over.
Check these links:
Can I Marry in Secret With the Minimum Conditions for a Valid Marriage to Avoid Fornication?
What Are the Minimum Steps That Must Be Taken for a Marriage to Be Valid?
May Allah Most High bless you with a righteous husband and family and give you ease in all your affairs.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.