Question: My husband does not fulfill my needs. Can I deny him his rights? Is he sinning if he does not fulfill my needs? Am I sinful if I deny him any of his rights?
Answer:
Assalamu alaykum,
Thank you for your question. It is truly disheartening to see this cycle of anger and emotional abuse between you both. I pray that one of you takes the first step to reconciliation.
Fulfilling Rights
Please see this answer for detail on this topic:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/is-it-sinful-to-disobey-to-my-husband/
If one feels that one’s rights have not been given, one is still not entitled to disobey one’s husband and will be accountable to Allah for this. That being said, I am not encouraging that a woman put up with abuse while she slaves away at his requests, but the couple must work toward a solution in order to live in peace, happiness, and devotion. It is sinful for either party to neglect the right of a spouse.
Steps
Communication and knowledge are key. I recommend that you both take a course on marriage and follow the tips and advice therein.
One of you must take the first step in showing mercy and compassion. I promise that if this is done out of sincerity, Allah will reward you tremendously and help you follow up one good deed with another. Please see these marriage archives and read these books: John Gottman’s Marriage Book and the 5 Love Languages.
Inspiration
Finally, consider this Prophetic hadith: It was said, “O Messenger of Allah, what type of wife is best? He said, ‘The one who makes (her husband) happy when he looks at her, and she obeys him if he instructs her to do something, and she does not do anything with regard to herself or his wealth in a manner of which he does not approve.’” [Musnad of Ahmad]
May Allah help you open a new chapter in your marriage and reward you and give you the best in this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.