Asalamwalakum, my first question is regarding baby showers. My cousin is having a baby and family members want to have a baby shower for them. Is it permissible to attend baby showers? It will be a women only event. But they put up decorations and play baby shower games. It’s not allowed to attend birthday celebrations or thanksgiving dinner. The family usually has comments to make and don’t like it when don’t attend such events.
2) I wanted to know if it is permissible to wear fashionable kurti which is trailing in the back? The front is a little higher and the back is longer but it touches floor even with high heels. It is couple inches on floor. It is from Pakistan and in style. I just remember something about trailing clothes and kings and Queens. It copies them and it’s arrogant.
Answer:
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
The birth of a child is one of the greatest bounties of Allah Ta’ala. Allah refers to giving children as a gift. Consider the following verse,
يَهَبُ لِمَن يَشَاءُ إِنَاثًا وَيَهَبُ لِمَن يَشَاءُ الذُّكُورَ
He bestows female (offspring) upon whom He wills, and bestows male (offspring) upon whom He wills. (Ash-Shūraá 49)
Even great personalities like prophets desired children and were given glad tidings upon their wives conceiving. When Ibrahim’s (Alayhi Salaam) wife conceived in old age, Allah sent Jibreel (Alayhi Salaam) to give the glad tidings to Ibrahim (Alayhi Salaam).
Allah says,
وَبَشَّرْنَاهُ بِإِسْحَاقَ نَبِيًّا مِّنَ الصَّالِحِينَ
And We gave him the glad tidings of Ishaq (Isaac) a Prophet from the righteous.(Aş-Şāffāt 112)
Allah granted glad tidings to Zakariyyah (Alayhi Salaam) of a child, Yahya (Alayhi Salaam) in old age.
فَنَادَتْهُ الْمَلَائِكَةُ وَهُوَ قَائِمٌ يُصَلِّي فِي الْمِحْرَابِ أَنَّ اللَّهَ يُبَشِّرُكَ بِيَحْيَىٰ مُصَدِّقًا بِكَلِمَةٍ مِّنَ اللَّهِ وَسَيِّدًا وَحَصُورًا وَنَبِيًّا مِّنَ الصَّالِحِينَ
So the angels called him while he was standing in prayer in the chamber, “Indeed, Allah gives you good tidings of Yahya (John), confirming a word from Allah and [who will be] honorable, abstaining [from women], and a prophet from among the righteous.” (‘Āli `Imrān 39)
Shari’ah advises us to express happiness upon the birth of a child and even celebrate upon that. The very concept of Aqiqah is also based on expressing happiness and celebrating the birth of the new arrival.
Shari’ah also acknowledges the happy occasion and approves presenting gifts to the newborn.[1]
Baby showers is defined as a way to celebrate the pending or recent birth of a child by presenting gifts to the mother at a party[2].
The time before a child is born presents mixed feelings of happiness and concern. Will the birth be normal and free of any complications? Will the mother be fit enough to attend to the child? Will the child be normal? What if there are any complications or health related challenges etc etc ?
The time before birth is to turn to Allah and make Dua for a safe delievery and normal child.
If one is engages in celebrations before the birth of the child, in the case of anything adverse, it wold be devastating, as withdrawing from happiness and celebrations to a challenging and adverse situation is very difficult. The gifts and congratulations become meaningless and maybe even a burden.
If the mother and all concerned engages in Dua at that time, whatever is to follow will be met with strong Imaan and a high level of spirituality.
We therefore advise against baby showers before the birth of the child.
Presenting gifts upon the birth of the child is acceptable[3]. When presenting a gift, one should do so according to his means. There should be no pressure upon anyone to present gifts beyond ones means. Therefore, when a child is born, family and friends may visit the parents and child without any formalities of a party and offer whatever they wish according to their means.
While we acknowledge that a baby shower party has the advantage of coordinating a common time convenient for all to congratulate and visit the parents and see the new born, such parties also have a tendency of showing off the gifts and competing with each other. This attitude defeats the spirituality of the visit on such a momentous occasion and converts it to a materialistic occasion.
People invited to the baby shower feel constrained to keep up to the occasion and have to make elaborate preparations for that. A poor person may not be invited or if invited may have to overburden him/herself. We are also led to believe that baby shower parties are similar to birthday celebrations, as also indicated in the question, that there will be shower games etc. This will also be emulating the way of disbelievers like birthday celebrations[4]. All this is against the spirit of Shari’ah and not in keeping with such a momentous occasion. At the occasion of childbirth, one needs lots of Duas and spiritual support.
When congratulating the parent, the following Dua may be read;
بَارَكَ اللَّهُ لَكَ فِي الـمَوْهُوبِ لَكَ، وَشَكَرْتَ الوَاهِبَ، وبَلَغَ أشُدَّهُ، وَرُزِقْتَ بِرَّهُ
May Allah bless the child, and He guide the parents to be thankful, That the child turn out to be righteous, and have a long life.
In reply, the parent may reply,
بَارَكَ اللَّهُ لَكَ، وبَارَكَ عَلَيْكَ، وجَزَاكَ اللَّهُ خَيْراً، ورَزَقَكَ اللَّهُ مِثْلَهُ، وأجْزَلَ ثَوَابَكَ
May Allah bless you, or May Allah reward you with good, or May Allah grant you the same, or May Allah reward you greatly.[5]
2) It would be permissible for women to wear the dress in question, on condition that it is worn amongst women or only mahram men and there should not be a display of pride and arrogance.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Mufti Arshad Ali
Darul Iftaa, Jaamia Madinatul Uloom (Trinidad)
[1] عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ، عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم يَقُولُ: تَهَادُوا تَحَابُّوا.
Abu Hurayra reported that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “Give gifts and you will love one another.” (Al-Adab Al-Mufrad 594)
الدر المختار وحاشية ابن عابدين (رد المحتار) (5/ 687)
الَ الْإِمَامُ أَبُو مَنْصُورٍ يَجِبُ عَلَى الْمُؤْمِنِ أَنْ يُعَلِّمَ وَلَدَهُ الْجُودَ وَالْإِحْسَانَ كَمَا يَجِبُ عَلَيْهِ أَنْ يُعَلِّمَهُ التَّوْحِيدَ وَالْإِيمَانَ؛ إذْ حُبُّ الدُّنْيَا رَأْسُ كُلِّ خَطِيئَةٍ نِهَايَةٌ مَنْدُوبَةٌ وَقَبُولُهَا سُنَّةٌ قَالَ – صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ – «تَهَادَوْا تَحَابُّوا»
درر الحكام شرح مجلة الأحكام – ط. العلمية (2/ 341)
مَشْرُوعِيَّةُ الْهِبَةِ ثَابِتَةٌ بِالْكِتَابِ وَالسُّنَّةِ وَ إجْمَاعِ الْأُمَّةِ مِنْ الْأَدِلَّةِ الْأَرْبَعَةِ
الدر المختار وحاشية ابن عابدين (رد المحتار) (3/ 491)
(قَوْلُهُ: عِنْدَ التَّهْنِئَةِ) بِالْهَمْزِ مِنْ هَنَّأْته بِالْوَلَدِ بِالتَّثْقِيلِ وَالْهَمْزِ مِصْبَاحٌ
[2] A baby shower is a way to celebrate the pending or recent birth of a child by presenting gifts to the mother at a party. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baby_shower)
الدر المختار وحاشية ابن عابدين (رد المحتار) (3/ 491)[3]
(قَوْلُهُ: عِنْدَ التَّهْنِئَةِ) بِالْهَمْزِ مِنْ هَنَّأْته بِالْوَلَدِ بِالتَّثْقِيلِ وَالْهَمْزِ مِصْبَاحٌ
درر الحكام شرح مجلة الأحكام – ط. العلمية (2/ 341)
مَشْرُوعِيَّةُ الْهِبَةِ ثَابِتَةٌ بِالْكِتَابِ وَالسُّنَّةِ وَ إجْمَاعِ الْأُمَّةِ مِنْ الْأَدِلَّةِ الْأَرْبَعَةِ
[4] مسند أحمد مخرجا (29/ 436)
– حَدَّثَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ سَلَمَةَ الْحَرَّانِيُّ، عَنْ ابْنِ إِسْحَاقَ يَعْنِي مُحَمَّدًا، عَنْ عُبَيِدِ اللَّهِ، أَوْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ طَلْحَةَ بْنِ كَرِيزٍ، عَنِ الْحَسَنِ، قَالَ: دُعِيَ عُثْمَانُ بْنُ أَبِي الْعَاصِ إِلَى خِتَانٍ، فَأَبَى أَنْ يُجِيبَ، فَقِيلَ لَهُ، فَقَالَ: «إِنَّا كُنَّا لَا نَأْتِي الْخِتَانَ عَلَى عَهْدِ رَسُولِ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ وَلَا نُدْعَى لَهُ»
[5] الأذكار للنووي (جاء عن الحسين رضي الله عنه)