My partner and I had a big argument, and I answered him disrespectfully. He was also mean to me but blames me because, at times, I get rude when I’m angry. My behavior is not what he expects in a wife. I am trying to improve, and I ask God to guard my mouth, especially when stressed or overwhelmed with my career. I worry that I don’t know how to balance work and home, and it gets overwhelming. Would you please guide us on how to resolve our issues respectfully?
In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate.
May Allah guide every dimension of our lives to that which pleases Him.
Marital friction is quite unpleasant, and we pray that Allah restores the pleasantness fully.
Disagreements in a Marriage
Disagreements in a marriage are natural and expected. The critical factor is in how one disagrees. Marriage should be a source of tranquility and not a cause for disobeying Allah. Allah says: “And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy.” [Qur’an 30:21].
Mutual Respect and Kindness
Control in Heated Moments
When you disagree, try to remember that Allah says: “If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a great deal of goodness” [Qur’an 4:19]. And that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “No believing man should hate a believing woman. If he dislikes one of her characteristics, he may be pleased with another.” [Muslim].
The demands of modern-day living, which compel women to enter the workforce, come with the unfortunate burden of stress. Our transgressions are, unfortunately, not excused for our poor management of this stress. Herewith follows a precious collection of advice from SeekersGuidance:
I pray this is of benefit and that Allah guides us all.
[Shaykh] Irshaad Sedick
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Shaykh Irshaad Sedick was raised in South Africa in a traditional Muslim family. He graduated from Dar al-Ulum al-Arabiyyah al-Islamiyyah in Strand, Western Cape, under the guidance of the late world-renowned scholar, Shaykh Taha Karaan.
Shaykh Irshaad received Ijaza from many luminaries of the Islamic world, including Shaykh Taha Karaan, Mawlana Yusuf Karaan, and Mawlana Abdul Hafeez Makki, among others.
He is the author of the text “The Musnad of Ahmad ibn Hanbal: A Hujjah or not?” He has served as the Director of the Discover Islam Centre and Al Jeem Foundation. For the last five years till present, he has served as the Khatib of Masjid Ar-Rashideen, Mowbray, Cape Town.
Shaykh Irshaad has thirteen years of teaching experience at some of the leading Islamic institutes in Cape Town). He is currently building an Islamic online learning and media platform called ‘Isnad Academy’ and pursuing his Master’s degree in the study of Islam at the University of Johannesburg. He has a keen interest in healthy living and fitness.