Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
I wanted to ask if there is a recommended age difference for a boy and a girl for marriage. There is a proposal for my daughter that we are interested in, but the boy is nine years older than her. She is 21 years old, and the man is 30 years old. I wanted to know if the age difference matters. I will be very grateful for clarification.
Thank you for your question. May Allah bless your daughter’s marriage whomever she marries, and may she live in tranquility with him no matter the age difference.
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) indicated to us through his own practice that it is age does not matter when it comes to marriage. He married Khadija, may Allah be well pleased with her, who was several years senior to him, and `A’isha, who was several years younger than him. This shows us that it is permissible and that a happy marriage is possible in either scenario.
The biggest factor that one must take into consideration is religion, according to the prophetic advice. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty or for her piety. Select the pious; may you be blessed! “[Bukhari & Muslim]
Although he didn’t mention age, this is where a father’s discretion comes in. Look at the suitor; look at his religion, qualities, and his personality. You know your daughter, you know what her interests are, her strengths and weaknesses, and ask yourself whether they will complement each other. Have they spoken? Do they click? It is sunnah for them to meet and look at one another. See this link for details:
Finally, don’t make a decision without praying istikhara, and place your trust in Allah. Follow your heart, consult your daughter and others who know him, rely on Allah to guide you. Please see the link below as well. May Allah bless your family and give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.