Question: I have met at work a Christian woman who has very good character. I avoid dating and I don’t want to marry a Christian. However, after loving her character, I have fallen attracted to her. She may not even be interested to marry me or convert to Islam. I have low self-confidence that I need to fix before marriage. I would like some advice to reduce my attraction because I work a lot with her. Is marriage a solution?
Answer:
Assalamu alaykum,
Thank you for your question. I empathize with your frustration. You are working closely with an attractive and intelligent woman and you are right to ask what your options are.
Not optimal
The first thing you should know is that marrying a Christian woman is not an optimal idea for you. Because you are speaking solely on the basis of attraction, you don’t even know if she likes Islam and you can imagine how detrimental that could be for your children. Don’t ever take that risk. The Prophet, may Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “Verily, you will never leave anything for the sake of Allah Almighty but that Allah will replace it with something better” [Musnad Ahmad]. Walk away before you get extremely attached.
Marry for religion
Rather, marry a girl for her religion which was the strongest advice that the Prophet gave us about marriage, may Allah bless him and give him peace, when he said, “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty or for her piety. Select the pious, may you be blessed!” [Bukhari & Muslim].
A decent man like you, who doesn’t want to date, already fears Allah and you deserve a like-minded girl, who is modest, knows how to pray, and reads the Qur’an. You deserve a girl who will strive with you to make a decent, peaceful family home where Islamic principles are valued and respected. A Muslim wife will honor you according to Islam and raise her children to pray, believe in Allah and His Messenger, and learn His book. Please don’t be swayed and pulled in by this woman’s appeal.
Gender Interaction
Please review the rules of gender interaction below, strive to lower your gaze, and keep your communication formal and cordial if you are able. Fear Allah as much as you can. If you are able, you should immediately ask your family to help you look for a wife:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/hanafi-fiqh/mixed-gatherings-a-detailed-response-regarding-gender-interaction/
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/a-reader-on-gender-interaction/
May Allah bless you in this world and the next and may you marry a perfectly suited Muslim girl for you.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.