Answered by Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil
Question: Assalam aleykum,
I am in a sinful relationship with a young man, and we have fallen to the point of major zina. I just want to end this relationship and wait for him until he is ready to marry me.
I don’t know how to tell him. How to do this and tell him without breaking his heart?
Answer: Assalamualaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
I pray this finds you well. May Allah reward you for reaching out to us.
I am afraid that there is no other way for you to end this relationship. It will break his heart, and it will yours, but this is the wisest thing you can do for both of you.
As far as the Shari’ah is concerned, he is a stranger to you. You do not owe him a gentle apology or a tender goodbye. Keep your farewell brief and succinct. If you do not trust yourself enough to keep your cool in person, then end this via different means. Consider a phonecall or email.
Dear sister, please trust that your marriage is already ordained for you. Your husband may or may not be this young man you are already involved in.
When you are young, clouded by emotion, and torn by guilt, you may feel that the only way to make this right is by marrying the young man you have sinned with. Please know that this is not the only way.
I strongly encourage you to read this book – Before You Tie the Knot: A Guide for Couples. After reading it, and after enough time has elapsed, I want you to reflect on whether or not you wish to
When you are ready, please Perform the Prayer of Guidance about whether or not this young man is truly the best husband for you.
Narrated Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allah (upon him be blessings and peace) said: “The adulterer is not a believer while he is committing adultery, and the thief is not a believer while he is stealing, but there is a chance for repentance; (if he repents, Allah will accept the repentance).” [Tirmidhi]
Please commit to a serious repentance and make good to your Islam. Consider this a fresh start to your life, and a promising beginning to deeper growth and closeness to Allah. You were created to know Him, and to be of service to Him through service to creation. You have your whole life ahead of you, and I pray that your heart heals through the remembrance of Allah and obedience to Him.
Pay back anything else you owe to Allah, whether it be prayers or fasts. Wake up in the last third of the night and beg Allah for forgiveness, strength and guidance. Read more Qur’an. Please consider enrolling in an course on SeekersHub, and/or listening to our podcasts and lesson sets. Nourish and strengthen your heart through connecting to Allah through these means.
I pray that Allah gifts you with a beautiful and complete repentance, a righteous and loving husband, and most of all, love and closeness to Him.
[Ustadha] Raidah Shah Idil
Checked & Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Raidah Shah Idil has spent almost two years in Amman, Jordan, where she learned Shafi’i’ fiqh, Arabic, Seerah, Aqeedah, Tasawwuf, Tafsir and Tajweed. She continues to study with her Teachers in Malaysia and online through SeekersHub Global. She graduated with a Psychology and English degree from University of New South Wales, was a volunteer hospital chaplain for 5 years and has completed a Diploma of Counselling from the Australian Institute of Professional Counsellors. She lives in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, with her husband, daughter, and mother-in-law.