Can a Muslim marry a non-Muslim after engaging in sexual activity with them?

Assalaamualaikum wa Rahmatullaahi wa Barakaatuh.

Allaah Subhanahu wa Ta’aala says in the Noble Qur’aan:

“Do not marry disbelieving (mushrik) women until they have Imaan. A believing slavegirl is undoubtedly better than a non-believing (free) woman even though she may be pleasing to you.” (al-Baqarah, 221)

Alhamdulillaah you are aware that marrying non-believers is not permissible in Islam. Even if a believer does get married to a non-believer the marriage is invalid and thus living together as husband and wife is equivelent to zina (fornication). Alhamdulillaah you have also realised that sharing an intimate relationship with a member of the opposite sex is forbidden in Islam.

First and fore-most you should turn to Allaah in repentance and seek His forgiveness. This is the way to “refresh” yourself. Remember that a sin, no matter how big, is never to huge for Allaah to forgive. Infact, many a time repentance takes a person to a stage of closeness to Allaah that he did not know before.

Allaah Most High says in the Glorious Qur’aan while speaking of the attributes of “the bondsmen of ar-Rahmaan”:

“(and the bondsmen of ar-Rahmaan are those who)….and who do not fornicate. And whoever does so shall meet with a grave punishment. Punishment will be multiplied for him on the day of Qiyaamah and he shall remain disgraced in it forever. Except for those who repent, accept imaan, and perform good deeds. for such people Allaah will convert their sins into good deeds. And Allaah is ever Most Forgiving, Most Merciful. And whoever repents and performs good actions has certainly turned to Allaah in earnestness.” (al-Furqaan, 68-71)

Allaah’s hands are spread out waiting for His bondsmen to turn to Him, and the door of forgiveness is always open for a person who slips.

Secondly, you should ask yourself in all earnestness, thinking with your mind and not your heart, whether what you share with this girl is true love or not. In most cases, what we would see as love before marriage is only an infatuation, that will definitely fade away with time. It would be helpful to read the following dua in abundance:

اللهم الهمني رشدي و اعذني من شر نفسي

Transliteration: Allaahumma alhim-nee rushdee wa a’ithnee min sharri nafsee.
Translation: O Allaah inspire me with guidance and grant me refuge from the evil of my nafs (carnal desires).

If you do feel strongly that you cannot forget this girl and that you really and truly love her, then your decision of marrying her is dependent on whether or not she is ready to accept Islam with sincerity. Many a time non-muslims embrace Islam for the sake of marrying a Muslim, but later on do not follow nor believe in its teachings. This eventually leads to endless problems between the families and later on when children come into the picture. If she truly understands the beauty of Islam and is ready to learn its laws and practise upon them, the nikah can take place after she has embraced Islam. Once she has come into the fold of Islam, whether or not she will remain steadfast and strong on this Deen will be very much dependent on how strong a muslim you yourself are. It could go either way. Either she will influence you or you will influence her. If the latter proves to be true then Alhamdulillaah.

And Allaah knows best.

Wa billaahit-tawfiq

Wassalam

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A. Z. Pandor