Answered by: Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
I would like to know, being married for 21 years and having many problems with the marriage and have raised three children. And now the couple does not have any feelings for each other could they stay together for the sake of their children happiness and upbringing?
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
All marriages have ups and downs and it requires both you and your partner to work at it. If you both are fundamentally practicing Islam, then you have a foundation on which to build a marriage. If either of you is lacking in your religion, then that needs to be dealt with otherwise it can lead your marriage to crumble.
Firstly look at yourself, see if you are doing what a good Muslim woman should do. A true Muslim wife is always obedient to her husband, provided that no sin is involved. She is respectful towards him and is always eager to please him and make him happy. The husband has many rights over the wife and the greatness of these rights can be confirmed by the words of the Prophet of Allah Sallallahu Alahi Wasalam, “No human being is permitted to prostrate to another, but if this were permitted I would have ordered wives to prostrate to their husbands, because of the greatness of the rights they have over them.” (Musnad Ahmad & Musnad Bazzar)
Saaidah Aishah Radiallahu Anha asked the Prophet of Allah Sallallahu Alahi Wasalam, “Who has the greatest rights over a woman?” He said, “Her husband.” She asked, ‘And who has the greatest rights over a man?” He said, “His mother.” (Majmauz Zawaaid p.308 v.4)
A Muslim wife should help her husband to be of good character, by displaying different types of intelligence, cleverness and alertness in the way she deals with him. This opens his heart to her and makes him fond of her. Obedience to her husband is one of the things that may lead her to Paradise, as the Prophet of Allah Sallallahu Alahi Wasalam said: “If a woman prays her five daily prayers, fasts her month (of Ramadan), obeys her husband and guards her chastity, then it will be said to her: ‘Enter Paradise by whichever of its gates you wish.” (Musnad Ahmad & Tabraani)
Saaidah Umm Salamah Radiallahu Anha narrates that Prophet of Allah Sallallahu Alahi Wasalam said, “Any woman who dies, and her husband is pleased with her, will enter Paradise.” (Sunan Ibn Majah p.133 v.1)
If you have evaluated yourself and found that you are honestly doing the best you can, then you must look to your husband. Is he fulfilling his duties to you? Is he working to support his family? Does he also make an effort to look good for you and meet you with kindness and nice words?
Saaiduna Ibn Umar Radiallahu Anhu narrates that the Prophet of Allah Sallallahu Alahi Wasalam said, “In the sight of Allah (SWT), the worst of all halal (lawful) acts is Talaq.” (Sunan Ibn Majah p146 v.1)
Regarding your situation, my humble opinion will be to try and bridge any differences which you have between your husband and create some sort of feelings and love towards him. If you are unable to do that, then for the sake of your children stay with your husband rather than separating from him.
Allah (SWA) in the Holy Qur’an has said, “…And live with them honorably. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a great deal of good.” (Surah Nisa v.19)
Only Allah Knows Best
Written by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham