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How can I stop talking to a male friend who I have known for 3 years, and is a non-Muslim, without hurting his feelings?

Answered as per Hanafi Fiqh by Darulifta-Deoband.com
Since last year, I have been trying to become a very good Muslimah, and I learned many things about Islam from last year than any other year. Since 6th grade, I made a friend that is a boy, non-Muslim (please do not confuse this as boyfriend, but he is a friend that is a boy). I am in 8th grade right now and he has become one of my best friends. Starting last year, around September, I had no idea that I was not allowed to be friends with the opposite gender. I started freaking out and told him my situation (how I could not talk to boys). He understood me and I asked him, “Let’s not talk anymore.” He said okay. But, we have 2 classes together, so after 2 or 3 days, we started talking again. I kept asking Allah (SWT) for forgiveness. And I asked him (the boy) that we should stop talking, and he said okay. But we kept talking to each other after a while. I asked for Allah’s (SWT) forgiveness so many times. It is really hard for me to stop talking to him as he is unable to stop talking to me. I know that talking to him is a sin, but it is really hard for me to stop talking to someone I have known for 3 years. Now, I feel like I am getting waswasah as well. He will leave my school next year, so I keep thinking, “It’s our last year together.” Please, I have asked many people, and they just say, “Explain to him your situation and he will understand” or “Just stop talking to him” or ” Hang out with your other girl-friends”. I can hang out with my other girl friends, but all my girl friends are his friends also. Yes, saying it is easy, but actually doing it is hard in my situation. I know that girls and guys cannot be friends because zina might occur, but we are not like that. I do not flirt with him or anything. What should I do? I need help! Should I gradually stop talking to him until he leaves school next year? Thank you so much for your help and I hope Allah (SWT) will forgive me. My intention is not to reveal my sin, but to ask a knowledgeable person who will be able to help me out with my situation.


(Fatwa: 432/280/D=1433)

May Almighty Allah make you pious, righteous, modest and virtuous Muslim and grant your efforts for the same! May Almighty Allah bestow you best return for the hard work and you endeavour to bear against your nafs in this world and in hereafter! May He give you taufiq to follow Islamic teachings learnt from from authentic Ulama or by reading authentic books! May Allah give you courage and sprit for doing each action for the pleasure of Allah!

Islam prohibits an adult girl to talk to any strange adult boy without any need. It is also not lawful to go unveiled in front of him and meeting in privacy has also been termed as haram. Who could be more pious than the Sahabiyat (رضى الله عنهن) and the holy wives (رضى الله عنهن), likewise who can claim to be more modest and virtuous than the companions of the holy Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) but Almighty Allah and the holy Prophet Muhammad (صلى الله عليه وسلم) ordered them the same which we mentioned above. The holy Prophet Muhammad (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said to Hadhrat Ali (رضى الله عنه): The first eye that falls all of a sudden on any non-mahram is allowable, but to keep on gazing or cast look at a second time is unacceptable. Hadhrat Abdullah ibn Umm Maktoom (رضى الله عنه) who was blind once came to meet the holy Prophet Muhammad (صلى الله عليه وسلم). The holy Prophet Muhammad (صلى الله عليه وسلم) asked his wives (رضى الله عنهن) to go behind curtain. The holy wives asked the holy Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) he is a blind man (he cannot see us). The holy Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said: but both of you (holy wives) are not blind.

In the light of these instructions you should try to follow the Shariah and fear Allah. Almighty Allah shall give you courage and help you. Just do not go unveiled in front of that non-Muslim boy (or any other man) and do not talk unnecessarily. If there is some important talk then you may talk behind purdah. It is mentioned in hadith that Satan runs in the vein of man like blood and can misguide him and insist him on any wrong thing. If there is no fear of love talks then too it is necessary to follow Shariah rulings. Here lies the safety of a woman’s chastity, virtue and the safety of her religion and iman.
You should offer salah regularly and keep on doing taubah and istighfar. Also supplicate Almighty Allah that He bestows you uprightness. Amen!

Allah (Subhana Wa Ta’ala) knows Best

Darul Ifta,
Darul Uloom Deoband

This answer was collected from the official ifta website of Darul Uloom Deoband in India.

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