Ive been talking to this guy for about 2 and a half years, i told my mother about him the first week we started to talk. we both started to like each other and i told him if he wants to marry me he should tell his family. He told his family about me and here we are 2 years later were stil not married, they always seem to come up with an excuse not to come and ask my family but they are marrying there daughter of to someone shes only known a few month. Recently my mother told me she had a bad dream about him, that she went to his house and there was a girl walking around. when she asked them if it was ok for me and him to get married they said no because hes already got a wife. my mum was really devastated and upset in the dream and told them we had been talking for 2 years and didnt understand it at all., what could this mean?
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
If you want to live a life of self esteem and respect, you must first command it. If you do not command respect, do not expect others to respect you.
In your relationship with the boy, you did not respect your own self. You told him to tell his parents about marrying you and in spite of him not doing that, you still continued your relationship with him with hope that he will marry you. You made yourself cheap in front of him and his family. The boy and his family may interpret your relationship with him as a desperate attempt to marry him. You and your mother seem to be obsessed with the boy that a mere dream is sufficient to evoke your emotions and create fear in your’ll. You should not stoop that low. If you want dignity and honor, break away from him and make it clear that if he intends marrying you, he or his family should make a formal proposal. This attitude will make you feel wanted rather than being merely used. The dream your mother had is a reflection of the fear in her mind of the boy not marrying you. Ignore the dream and simply follow Shari’ah. There would then be no fear and anxiety in you.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.