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I don’t want to get married anymore

Answered as per Hanafi Fiqh by Askimam.org

Assalmualaikum, I was committed with a Shia Guy. I had known him for 2 years but we were just friends initially. He proposed me last year for marriage. I tried to convince my parents but they didn’t accept this rishta because of differences in Aqeedah. I also didn’t force them but i was not happy with the decision because i really loved him. When parents rejected this rishta after some time he somewhat stopped talking to me and i was not able to cope with that because i had this really strong attachment with him. One day I asked him to meet me to resolve the whole issue. He said okay fine we can go to his apartment. I really trusted him so I went there with him. We discussed this whole issue and all and he also apologised for suddenly stop talking. I again developed a soft corner for him in that moment. Then he said let’s go home but when we stood up to leave. He pulled me towards him. He started caressing me and then kissed. Although i was uncomfortable but still couldn’t stop him doing all that to me in the beginning But when he tried to go a little too far i stopped him immediately because i didn’t want to do all this before marriage. This whole apartment scenario has left me in distress. It’s like i just feel like some cheap trash and I have lost all the faith in true love and marriage. I am really scared to get married and i don’t know how to tell my parents that why I don’t want to marry. It feels like that the person that i will marry in future will be deceived by me as i have had a small physical interaction with the shia guy and nobody would like that his wife has past physical interaction. I have asked Allah for repentance for my sin but still I don’t have this peace of mind. This sin really tortures me mentally all the time. Is this sin going to affect my future husband’s character as in Allah will decreed a bad husband for me as a punishment of my sin? I am really scared to trust any man in my life. I won’t be able to bear the pain of divorce or bad marriage. What should i do in ths case?


In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

Sister in Islam,

We take note of the contents of your email and sympathize with your situation.

It is a sign of your Iman that you are remorseful and concerned about your past mistake. Allah is the Most-Forgiving, the Most-Merciful. Never despair of His Mercy. Combine this fear of Allah with hope in His Mercy by continuing to seek forgiveness daily (Istighfar) and be confident that Allah’s Mercy is greater than your sin.

Do good deeds as much as you can, paying special attention to all obligatory deeds such as your five times daily prayer (salah), fasting (sawm), etc.

Sister, you made a mistake. Let the bygone be bygone and start a new chapter in life. We are human and prone to sin. But sin should not be a barrier for us to progress in our life or Deen.

You state that “the person that I will marry in future will be deceived by me”. Your act will not infringe the right of your future husband. You over trusted the Shia man and went to his apartment and thereafter sought forgiveness from Allah Ta’ala. It is pointless to dwell on your past mistakes. Forget about your past wrong and move forward in trying to strengthen your link with Allah Ta’ala.

Allah Ta’ala says:

قُلْ يَا عِبَادِيَ الَّذِينَ أَسْرَفُوا عَلَى أَنفُسِهِمْ لَا تَقْنَطُوا مِن رَّحْمَةِ اللَّهِ إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَغْفِرُ الذُّنُوبَ جَمِيعًا إِنَّهُ هُوَ الْغَفُورُ الرَّحِيمُ (الزمر: ٥٣)

Translation: Say: “O ‘Ibadi (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah, verily Allah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Most Forgiving, Most Merciful. (Surah Zumar: 53)

Rasulullah ﷺ has said:

أن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم قال: كل ابن آدم خطاء وخير الخطائين التوابون (الزمر: ٢٤٩٩)

Translation: Every son of Adam sins, and the best of the sinners are those who repent. (Sunan Al- Tirmidhi: 2499)

We make Dua Allah grant you a suitable spouse and who will look after you and keep you happy. Turn to Allah with Dua, Zikr, and Istikharah. Adopt all possible Halal means for getting married elsewhere.

And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best

Abdullah Syed Sajid

Student Darul Iftaa
Houston, TX, USA 

Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.

This answer was collected from Askimam.org, which is operated under the supervision of Mufti Ebrahim Desai from South Africa.

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