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I dont like my parents choice of a spouse for me

Answered as per Hanafi Fiqh by Askimam.org

Please help me sir.i am in depression. I know my problem which i have written is too big and time consuming.Please help me.I am a 25 years old muslim girl.My parents are finding suitable husband for me with which i am fine . I never had any past relationship.I believe Allah has already planned a very gud man for me. I recently got a proposal from a very good family. I heard that the family and that the boy is very nice and suitable for me.

My family became very happy and satisfied.That boy wanted to speak to me. I agreed.The converstation with him was very uncomfortable.He was speakin as if we are in a relationship. Within 24 hrs of our conversation he told he is missing me which i found very awkward.I was worried so i did ishtekhara .I prayed to Allah to give me some indications.I prayed that if that person is not good for my deen..duniya and aakhirat, then please dont make me marry this person. He continuosly calls me and messages me.I have stoped replying to him .i told him that from now on our elders will decide . He was insisting me to talk and convincing me to agree to this marriage.

I denied marrying him.Now my family is worried that i have taken decision in a hurry and judged him too soon. My parents are dissappointed and tellin that i have rejected a good proposal and now i am not going to get any better proposals and this is the reason why many girls dont get married at the right age and to a right person because of childish behavior like me.

i am extremely worried and low.I am continuosly praying to Allah that if i have done mistake please forgive me.I am praying for a suitable proposal for me. i am upset. I am scared.please help me.i ll b obliged.


In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.   

Assalāmu ῾alaykum wa Rahmatullāhi Wabarakātuh


You are fortunate that you have parents who are concerned about you and also searching for a suitable spouse for you. Your parent’s love for you is natural and any decision by them will be motivated by their natural love for you.

If your parents like the boy in reference, you should appreciate your parent’s choice for you and consider the proposal. We understand your discomfort with the boy’s inappropriate discussion with you as you have never been in a relationship before. However, that attitude of the boy should not cause you to decline the proposal.

We advise you to make istikhara properly with a balanced and objective mind and decide therafter. Your parents could inform the boy’s parents that you are busy making istikhara and you are not comfortable talking to the boy at this stage.

And Allāh Ta῾āla Knows Best

 Jibran Kadarkhan


Student Dārul Iftā


Checked and Approved by:

Mufti Ebrahim Desai

This answer was collected from Askimam.org, which is operated under the supervision of Mufti Ebrahim Desai from South Africa.

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