Q: I’m a sister, 23 years old and soon I’m going to be 24. I’m not married yet because I don’t have many chance to find a compatible
brother since we don’t know many people who are religious because the country I was born is very secular, and people are very racist. My parents don’t even want to know about brothers who are not from my same country and ethnicity, they refuse to accept their proposal. They want me to wait until I find someone from our own country, culture, ethnicity but I’m getting old. Usually nobody is interested in sisters who are over 24 and now I’m worried. Now I live in Europe with my family, so we don’t live anymore in our country but yet they want me to find someone from there. I think my parents are not fair with me. I tried to talk to them but they don’t want to know about, there’s no way to change their mind. And in our culture to marry someone out of our culture is considered something as bad as apostasy. There’s nobody I know and I trust who can talk to my parents about this. They all are the same, with the same mentality. Someone once told me that in this case I should accept the proposal from bothers who are not from my country since I cant find a religious brother from our country, but I am not brave enough because I am afraid I will find someone who’ll mistreat me, where will I go then? So am I responsible for not accepting the proposal from any religious and compatible brother who’s not from our country without my parents consent? What should I do? Please give me an advise and make dua’ for me.
A: If there is a need to marry then you need to insist on your parents to get you married. If your parents are not willing then refer to some elders of your family or people who have an influence on your parents.
And Allah Ta’ala (الله تعالى) knows best.
Answered by:
Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)