Is it obligatory for a woman to obey her husband if he requests from her strange sexual acts?

Answered according to Shafi'i Fiqh by Qibla.com

Answered by Shaykh Amjad Rasheed

Is it obligatory for a woman to obey her husband if he requests from her strange sexual acts? For example, that he tie her up to the posts of the bed, that she dress like a whore, that he hit her lightly, or that she perform a provocative dance for him?

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In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

The first thing that should be known is that marriage is built upon mercy, compassion, and mutual understanding between man and wife in everything. To obtain this, each spouse must know all their rights and obligations with a note, May Allah be pleased with a couple who fulfil others rights and may they have abundant reward for that.

As for what concerns the question posed here, it is haram for a man to ask his wife to do anything haram, such as dancing that involves swaying and bending like effeminate men. It is not permissible for a woman to obey her husband in such requests.

What is obligatory on the woman in terms of intimacy is allowing herself to her husband such that he may enjoy her without objection from her. And if he requests from her reasonable things that complete his pleasure, such as asking her to remove her pubic hair and underarm hair, for example, and cleaning herself from filth, she must obey him.

It is not obligatory for a woman to obey her husband if he requests her to do something during intimacy to increase his desire, as long as she has made herself available to him. And let it be known that what was mentioned in the question, it is not obligatory for her to obey him in those, rather only to make herself available.

Amjad Rasheed

(Translated by Shazia Ahmad)

السؤال: هل على المرأة أن تطيع زوجها إن طلب منها أموراً غريبة متعلقة بالمعاشرة الزوجية ؟ ( مثل : أن تربطها بقوائم السرير ، وأن تلبس ملابس الزانيات ، وأن يضربها ضربا غير مبرح ، وأن ترقص له بطرق مهيجة ) . الجواب : ينبغي أن يعلم أولاً أن أمر الزواج مبناه على الرحمة والمودة والتفاهم بين الزوجين في كل شيء ، ولتحصيل ذلك يجب على الزوجين معرفة حقوق كلٍّ وواجباته مع ملاحظة رضى الله تعالى عن الزوجين القائمين بالحقوق وجزيل ثوابه على ذلك . وأما ما يتعلق بمسألتنا فيحرم على الزوج أن يأمر زوجته بما هو محرم كالرقص المشتمل على تكسر وتثن كما يفعله المخنثون ، ولا يجوز للمرأة طاعته في ذلك . والواجب على المرأة بخصوص المعاشرة هو تمكينها نفسها للزوج بحيث يمكنه الاستمتاع المباح له دون منعٍ من الزوجة ، وإذا أمرها بما يكمل به استمتاعه كإزالة شعر العانة والإبط مثلاً والتنظف من الأوساخ وجب عليها طاعته . ولا يجب على الزوجة طاعة الزوج إذا طلب منها فعلَ شيء أثناء المعاشرة ليزيد شهوته هو طالما هي ممكنة له ، ومن ذلك يعلم أن ما ذكر في السؤال لا يجب على المرأة الطاعة فيه بل يلزمها التمكين فقط .