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Is beauty of consequence in choosing a spouse

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Answered by Shaykh Amjad Rasheed

Is beauty of consequence in choosing a spouse

Answer:
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful

Walaikum assalam,

Beauty is not of consequence in terms of the validity of marriage.

However, Allah has created people with a disposition to love beauty in all things and to incline towards beauty. One of the matters where this inclination is most manifest is in the choice of spouses. This inclination is given consideration in the Shariah when it comes to choosing one’s spouse: it is established in rigorously authenticated (sahih) hadiths that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) ordered the one who sought to propose to a particular woman to look at her first, and he (peace and blessings be upon him) explained that this is more likely to lead to affection. [Related by Tirmidhi, Nasa’i, Ibn Maja, and Ahmad, from al-Mughira (Allah be pleased with him)]

The meaning here of ‘leading to affection’ is that it is more likely to lead to good family life, fondness, and love between the two spouses, because the eye and heart have a lot to do with a happy marriage, as the hadith commentators have explained. It is common for one to feel at rest with that which one’s eye feels at rest and pleased with.

Also, if each spouse finds the other attractive, this is a sure means for each to avoid looking at other than their spouse, as they will find their spouse’s beauty sufficient.

This is why our scholars have mentioned in the ‘Book of Marriage’ [such as in Imam Nawawi’s Majmu`] that it is fitting to take beauty into consideration when choosing one’s spouse, whether husband or wife.

At the same time, it is important to be aware that beauty should not be the principal criterion in choosing one’s spouse.

Rather, it should follow the central criterion, which is religiousness (tadayyun, being a person of deen), good character, and a love of following the commands of the Sacred Law.

Thus, if beauty will prevent one from choosing someone religious, then the intelligent person will not get themselves into trouble by doing this because of the evident harms to both oneself and one’s children in marrying someone not religious.

The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,

“A woman may be married for four reasons: her religion; her beauty; her wealth; and her lineage. Marry the one of religion, and you will be successful.” [Bukhari and Muslim]

The noble scholar Shaykh Abd al-Rahman al-Shaghouri (Allah have mercy on him) wrote, among his poetry,

“How often it is that someone marries a beautiful face

Whose fault is hidden in their mouth.

After being with them for a little while

You hear them constantly complaining, “Ooh, and Aah.”

– Amjad Rasheed.

(Translated by Faraz Rabbani)

السؤال : هل للجمال اعتبار في اختيار الزوج ؟ الجواب : لا اعتبار للجمال في الزوجين من حيث صحة الزواج ، لكنَّ الله تعالى قد فطر الناس على حبِّ الجمال في كل شيء والميل إليه وأكثر شيء تدخله الرغبة في الجمال اختيار الزوجين وهو أمرٌ معتبرٌ شرعاً من حيث الاختيار فقد ثبت في الحديث الصحيح أن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم أمر من أراد خطبة امرأة أن ينظر إليها وعلل ذلك بأنه أحرى أن يؤدم بينكما أي أن تدوم العشرة والمودة والمحبة بين الزوجين ؛ فإن للعين والقلب نصيب كبير في الزواج فكثيراً ما يقع ما ترتاح النفس إلى من ترتاح إليه العين ، ثم إن كان الجمالُ حاصلاً في كلا الزوجين فإن ذلك طريق لانصراف نظر الزوج عن غير زوجته لأن ما فيها من الجمال يكفيه وكذلك الزوجة ، وقد صرح علماؤنا في كتاب النكاح بأنه ينبغي أن يراعى الجمال في اختيار الزوجة ؛ أي وكذلك الزوج . لكن لا بد من التنبيه هنا أن لا يكون الجمالُ هو المقصود الأعظم عند اختار الزوجين بل يكون تبعاً للمقصود الأعظم وهو التدين وحسن الأخلاق وحبّ المتابعة لأوامر الشرع ، فإن كان الجمالُ سيمنع من اختيار صاحبة الدين فالعاقلُ لا يورط نفسه فيه لما لا يخفى من مفاسد في عشرة غير الدينة على الزوج والأولاد ، وكذلك يقال في الزوج غير المتدين ؛ قال صلى الله عليه وسلم : ” تنكح المرأة لأربع : لدينها وجمالها ومالها ونسبها ، فاظفرْ بذات الدين تربت يداك “. ومن شعر سيدنا العلامة عبد الرحمن الشاغوري رحمه الله : فَرُبَّ مزوَّجٍ وجهاً جميلاً    وآفتُـه مُخَبـأةٌ بِفِيـهِ وبعد لقائـه وقتـاً يسيراً   تراه مُدَمْدِماً آهاً وإِيـهِ

 

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