Answered by Shaykh Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari
What are the bounds of talking to one’s fiancé?…is it ok to just talk about my day with him… tell him about personal issues, and seek his advice on it, is it ok just to talk to him just because I want to talk to him… as of now… we talk chat online… is there any difference… I feel like we do stay within bounds… because everything we talk about is nothing inappropriate…we don’t flirt…but we definitely are comfortable with each other…we could joke around and things like that… I’m just confused on this matter… because lately I’m debating on whether or not I should call him.
In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful
According to Shariah, engaged couples are regarded to be strangers for one another before marriage. As such all the normal rules of gender interaction would apply.
Therefore, it will not be permissible to interact with one’s fiancé informally, whether this is over the phone, e-mail or by writing a letter. As for formal interaction, then that would be permissible as long as one does not fear falling into the unlawful.
It should be remarked here that, many times problems, disputes and break-ups of engagements occur due to unlawful and informal interaction. The reason being that, firstly disobedience to Allah Almighty results in the Baraka of the prospective marriage disappearing. Secondly, excessive interaction creates unnecessary doubts in the minds of the engaged couple, thus one becomes uncertain whether one’s fiancé is the right person for marriage or otherwise.
Therefore, interaction with the fiancé should be avoided as much as possible. Yes, if there is a genuine need, such as discussing necessary things with regards to the marriage, then there is nothing wrong with that.
And Allah knows best
Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari
Darul Iftaa, Leicester, UK