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Marriage – getting along

Answered according to Hanafi Fiqh by Muftisays.com
assalamu alaikum

my spouse and i normally get along well. we have a great understanding between us. but lately, our relationship seems to be going from good – worse. from my point, he is really controlling my every action. its very dificult for me as i already have kids and i have another on the way. i dont go out with friends. neither do i go out shopping for clothes or to the market with anyone. only rarely im aloud to go with family which is understandeble. my pregnancy hormones are everywhere. iam very sensitive and i get alot of pains. he doesnt seem to have time to see to me. it seems to be a drastic change in him. also he seems to be adament on sorting even the slightest misunderstanding out there and then. be it that iam @ my in-laws. he dosnt understand that it is embarassing for me. he keeps violently pushing me to make me look at him and agree to him. (he only does this when we r alone – pushing me and the rest) i do wish that Allah gave me the ability to keep my mouth shut. although i dont scream, i keep quiet at first. but then he dosnt shut up and he carries on and on like men may describe a ‘nagging wife’. thats when i cant keep it quiet and try to say my point. i used to be able to stay quiet, but not at the moment. ive told him im very sensitive at the moment, and i end up crying wanting to walk out on him.
i cant figure out what is wrong. i seem to be loosing myself with my deen. i stopped watching programmes and films since my 1st pregnancy and thought of continuing the rest of my life like this, with out the biggest shaytan. and in my pregnancy, i was extremely carefull watching tv or generally talking afraid of the influence on my unborn. this pregnancy seems to be nothing. i end up watching tv and films with my husband. and my daily wazifas, surats, durrood and manzil have all stopped. i am praying short namazes making it a habbit. Allah, has taken this away from me and although i crave for it to be back and stop the other gunas, i cant get myself to do it. i feel like runinng away from my husband but i dont coz deep down we love each other and we have too many kids!! but i cant control my feelings when he becomes like an opressor.
please advise me in the best possible manner. and asap
sorry to burden your eysesight with this ever long message.

Answer
Bismihi Ta’ala

Sorry for the delay in this answer.

I deeply remorse your situation. Every married couple goes through a rough patch. It is inevitable. It always takes the patience, understanding and maturity of one to make the marriage successful. If both become impatient then things can go wrong. Shaytaan is constantly making efforts of this kind, to create hatred between spouses and also, to decrease their level of deen. A strong believer never allows Shaytaan to overpower them. Why has your situation with Allah changed?You must give it a deep thought and make some strong and firm resolutions and hold tightly to them.

Alhamdulillah, as mentioned by yourself, you are a mother of so many children whom are looking upto you, consider you to be their role model, who learn from your cradle of knowledge. You must take their future into consideration and do it for the best.

Why has your husbands behaviour changed? What are the reasons? Ponder over these aspects and try to resolve them. Ask him to take a soft approach whilst you are in the sensitive stages of your pregnancy, for the best of both, yourself and the child. Maybe there is a breakdown of communication. Maybe you are not telling him of your feelings.

The blame is not on you at all, but these measures must be taken to ensure your well-being and the well-being of your children. Re-kindle your strong faith in Allah and make plenty of Du’aa that he helps you through these times.

May Allah help you in your situation.

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Mufti Yaseen Shaikh

Original Source Link

This answer was collected from MuftiSays.com, based in London (UK). It is one of the fruits of Darul Uloom London. Many ‘ulama are involved in answering the Q&A on the site, including: Shaikul Hadeeth Mufti Umar Farooq Sahib, Mufti Saifur Rahman Sahib, Mufti Abdullah Patel Sahib, Maulana Qamruz Zaman Sahib, Mufti Abu Bakr Karolia Sahib.

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