Family relations

Q: Is it compulsory for me to keep contact with my paternal aunts, uncles and their children. I kept a relationship with these people for so many years of my life, inspite of them backbiting against us and ruining our lives. My uncles have usurped our rights and fed their wives and children with our money. What am I supposed to feel when I see their houses and their belongings? I will be reminded of their deceit and the injustice done to us. These people have wrecked havoc in our lives and they deserve no respect from me. They simply do more evil to me if I am kind and be even more unjust. These people have done innumerable injustices to us for more than 25 years. It is because of them that my father strayed from the right path, they ruined his aakhira and supported him in his evil sins. Moreover all of my aunts, uncles and their children live in different countries. I don’t have their numbers and my mother who has them refuses to give them to me and if I do keep a relationship with them, they will simply try to turn me against my mother and backbite against her. Moreover it is very expensive for me to phone them from the UK and we are poor people. Do you think I should keep a relationship with my father because Allah has said the rights of parents are huge but I know for a fact that my father will put pressure on me to get my mother to reconcile with him. However this is not possible as she tolerated his abuse, swears, adultery, alcohol, drugs and smoking. My father even slandered her, even though she is chaste. She even tolerated him not giving her any money for basic necessities for 25 years. I know my father has still not changed as he still continues to backbite against her and slander her even though she has obtained a khula, if my mother does want to remarry then she should get married to a pious man, my father doesn’t deserve her.

Bismillaah

A: I suggest that you keep a surface relationship so that you get the blessings of maintaining a healthy relationship. Don’t let the relationship go too deep in order to avoid any misunderstandings or fights.

And Allah Ta’ala (الله تعالى) knows best.

 

Answered by:

Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)


Q: I would like some clarifications though. Could you please clarify which relationship you are referring to in your reply? Is it your view that I should keep ties with my father and my paternal aunts and uncles? Could you please clarify if the job I have been offered is halaal?

Bismillaah

A: Not only them, but also with other relatives, be them immediate or extended.

If you are not required to mix up with women then it is alright for you to take on the job. You could apply ear plugs to keep out the sound of the music.

And Allah Ta’ala (الله تعالى) knows best.

 

Answered by:

Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)


Q: You have said that I have to keep ties with all of my relatives, I understand I must keep ties with my aunts, uncles, father but they all live in a different country neither do they have social media accounts, so do you suggest I contact them through phone? And how often am I required to make
contact with them? Will I have to contact my father more as he has more rights on me?

Also, you have said I have to keep ties with absolutely all of my relatives, be it immediate or extended, but I literally have hundreds and thousands of relatives as in first cousins, 2nd cousins, cousins once removed and they all live around the world, there are many whose names I don’t even know, how am I supposed to keep contact with all of them? If I did so then all of my time would be spent on talking to them and I would not be able to get anything done. Furthermore many of my extended relatives are very cultural and don’t follow Islam, do you think it’s wise for me to mix with them? I could be negatively influenced by them.

Bismillaah

A: Contact them to the extent that is easy and manageable for you.

Contact those that you know and ask them to convey your salaams and regards to others as well.

Don’t mix up with people who you are doubtful of.

And Allah Ta`ala knows best.

 

Answered by:

Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)