Husband not controlling his gaze

Q: I am married for 24 years. About five months back I noticed my husband was not controlling his gaze. The situation reached to an extent that I was prepared to leave. My husband has now made taubah and insha allah, has changed his ways. However, I need some advice:

  1. I am extremely hurt, how do I overcome this?
  2. Many times I feel depressed, especially upon awakening.
  3. I suffer with anxiety attacks and headache before going out to places where there will be females around. We live in Madinatul Munawwarah and I find it extremely difficult to go to the haram etc.
  4. At times I cannot handle the stress and think of ending the marriage.
  5. My husband is trying to be good to me, and I try to hide my feelings from him, however, how do I build the trust in my husband again?


A: Practise the following:

  1. Conduct ta`leem of Fazaa’il-e-Sadaqaat, Fazaa’il-e-A`maal and Bahishti Zewar for approximately 15 minutes in the mornings and evenings.
  2. Recite some portion of the Qur’aan.
  3. Do zikr of the kalimah, Durood Shareef and istighfaar.
  4. Make a collective du`aa at the end of each session, begging Allah Ta`ala for His special help, mercy and forgiveness for oneself and the rest of the ummat.

Further, think to yourself that if he is wrong then your duty is only to advise him. After advising him you will not be answerable for what he does. Presently, most people are such that if they have ten goods then they have one or two weaknesses as well. Hence, either you get out of the marriage entirely and don’t ever marry, for in the event you do marry you will have to put up with some weakness or the other. So look at it positively; have you sinned or violated the law of Allah or not. If you haven’t then there is no need for you to feel depressed or feel despondent.

And Allah Ta`ala knows best


Answered by:

Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)