Disobedience to parents

Q: I often have attacks of anger. I have a mental illness and I hit my mother and my sister. I physically abuse them and swear at them but I can’t control the anger at that time. After I calm down I say sorry to them and ask for forgiveness (I feel very guilty because my mother already has back pain and I make it worse and that whole week it hurts her) and they both forgive me after. I’m very  scared that accidently something dangerous might happen or I might hurt them severely. My question is will I still burn in hell for this or not? Please give me a dua to read or some wazifa.


A: The Hadith explains that your parents are your paradise or your hell. If you you are kind, compassionate and loving towards them and you obey and serve them as you ought to, you will be blessed with paradise. On the contrary if you disobey them, you are harsh, rude and mean towards them, then they will be your ticket to the fire of hell. Refrain from such evil and sinful deeds and sincerely repent to Allah Ta’ala for your past. Sincerely beg their forgiveness and show compassion and love to them. If you are sincere Allah Ta’ala will forgive you. Otherwise the consequences are extremely disastrous and detrimental. 

Below we will present verses of the Qur’an and a few Ahaadith relating to the rights of parents:

وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوا إِلَّا إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ الْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَا أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَا أُفٍّ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيمًا ﴿الإسراء: ٢٣﴾

Your Lord has decreed that youworship none but Him, and that you be kind to your parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor scold them, instead address them in a respectful manner.

وَإِذْ أَخَذْنَا مِيثَاقَ بَنِي إِسْرَائِيلَ لَا تَعْبُدُونَ إِلَّا اللَّـهَ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا ﴿البقرة: ٨٣﴾

And remember We took a covenant from the Bani Israel that you worship none but Allah; and treat your parents with kindness.

وعن عبد الله بن عمرو قال جاء رجل إلى رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم فاستأذنه في الجهاد فقال أحي والدك قال نعم قال ففيهما فجاهد . متفق عليه (مشكاة #3817)

Hadhrat Abdullah bin Amr (Radhiyallahu Anhu) narrates that on one occasion a Sahaabi came to Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) seeking permission to participate in jihaad. Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi ​Wasallam) inquired  “Are your parents alive”. This person replied “Yes”. (Thereafter) Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said: “Your Jihaad is in serving them.”(As they are old an in need of your service)

وعن عبد الله بن عمرو قال قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم رضى الرب في رضى الوالد وسخط الرب في سخط الوالد . رواه الترمذي (مشكاة #4927)

Hadhrat Abdullah bin Amr (Radhiyallahu Anhu) narrates that Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said: “The pleasure of Allah Ta’ala lies is the pleasure of the parents and the displeasure of Allah Ta’ala lies in the displeasure of the parents.

وعن أبي أمامة أن رجلا قال يا رسول الله ما حق الوالدين على ولدهما قال هما جنتك ونارك . رواه ابن ماجه (مشكاة #4941)

Hadhrat Abu Umaamah (Radhiyallahu Anhu) relatess that a certain Sahaabi asked: “O Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam), what rights do parents have over their children?”  Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) replied: “They are either your (means of entering) Jannat or your (means of entering) Jahannum.

وعن ابن عباس قال قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم من أصبح مطيعا لله في والديه أصبح له بابان مفتوحان من الجنة وإن كان واحدا فواحدا ومن أمسى عاصيا لله في والديه أصبح له بابان مفتوحان من النار وإن كان واحدا فواحدا قال رجل وإن ظلماه قال وإن ظلماه وإن ظلماه وإن ظلماه (مشكاة #4943)

Hadhrat Ibnu Abbaas (Radhiyallahu Anhuma) relates that Rasullullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said: “Whoever spends his day obeying Allah with regards to his parents, every morning two doors of Jannat will be open for him. If he only has one parent alive then one door will only be opened for him. Whoever spends his day disobeying Allah Ta’ala with regards to his parents then two doors of Jahannum will be open for him. If he only has one parent alive then one door will only be opened for him.”  The Sahaabi asked: “Even if they oppress you (then to should you obey them and be kind to them)?”  Rasullallah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) replied (thrice): “Even if they oppress you. Even if they oppress you. Even if they oppress you.”

وعنه أن رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم قال مامن ولد بار ينظر إلى والديه نظرة رحمة إلا كتب الله له بكل نظرة حجة مبرورة قالوا وإن نظر كل يوم مائة مرة قال نعم الله أكبر وأطيب (مشكاة #4944)

Hadhrat Ibnu Abbaas (Radhiyallahu Anhuma) relates that Rasullullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said: “Every pious child that looks at his parents with the gaze of mercy, Allah Ta’ala will grant him the reward of an accepted Hajj for every glance. The Sahaabah (Radhiyaalhu Anhum) inquired  (Will he receive the reward of a Hajj for every glance) even if he looks at his parents one hundred times a day” Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) replied: “Allah Ta’ala is the greatest and the most pure (i.e. Allah Ta’ala has the ability to bless a person with even more reward than this).”

وعن أبي بكرة رضي الله عنه قال قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم كل الذنوب يغفر الله منها ما شاء إلا عقوق الوالدين فإنه يعجل لصاحبه في الحياة قبل الممات (مشكاة #4945)

Hadhrat Abu Bakrah (Radhiyallahu Anhu) narrates that Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said: “Allah Ta’ala will forgive whichever sin He so wishes besides the sin of showing disobedience to one’s parents (i.e. generally Allah Ta’ala does not forgive this sin).Verily Allah Ta’ala will (apart from the punishment in store in the hereafter for committing such a heinous crime) punish the person in this very world before he passes away.

مالك بن الحسن بن مالك بن الحويرث عن أبيه عن جده قال : صعد رسول الله صلى الله عليه و سلم المنبر فلما رقي عتبة قال : ( آمين ) ثم رقي عتبة أخرى فقال : ( آمين ) ثم رقي عتبة ​ثالثة فقال : ( آمين ) ثم قال : ( أتاني جبريل فقال : يا محمد من أدرك رمضان فلم يغفر له فأبعده الله قلت : آمين قال : ومن أدرك والديه أو أحدهما فدخل النار فأبعده الله قلت : آمين فقال : ومن ذكرت عنده فلم يصل عليك فأبعده الله قل : آمين فقلت : آمين ) (صحيح ابن حبان #409)

Maalik bin Huwairith narrates from his grandfather that once Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) ascended the first step of the mimbar, thereafter he said Aameen. Then Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) ascended the second step of the mimbar, thereafter he said Aameen again. Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) ascended the third step of the mimbar and said Aameen for the third time. Then Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said: “(When I ascended the first step of the mimbarJibreel (Alaihis Salaam) appeared before me and said: “Woe to him who found the blessed month of Ramadhaan and let if pass without gaining forgiveness”. Upon that I said Ameen. Then Jibreel (alaihis salaam) said : “Woe be to the person in whose presence both parents or one of them attain old age and through failure to serve them is not allowed to enter Jannah. Upon that I said Ameen. Then Jibreel (alaihis salaam) said that “Woe be to him upon whom your name is mentioned and then he does not recite durood upon you”. Upon that I said Ameen

وعن معاوية بن جاهمة أن جاهمة جاء إلى النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم فقال يا رسول الله أردت أن أغزو وقد جئت أستشيرك فقال هل لك من أم قال نعم قال فالزمها فإن الجنة عند رجلها (مشكاة #4939)

Muaawiyah ibn Jaahimah reports that Jaahimah came to Nabi (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) and asked: “O Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam), I intend going for jihaad, however I have come to consult you first.” Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) inquired if I have a mother (who is in need of my service). I replied yes. Thereafter Rasulullah (Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam) said: “Hold firm to her, for verily Jannah lies beneath her feet.” 

And Allah Ta’ala (الله تعالى) knows best.

Answered by:

Mufti Zakaria Makada

Checked & Approved:

Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)