Q: My husband and I have been married for 2 years now. We have no children yet. On multiple occasions I caught him cheating on me with some other girl. I know that he is in love with her. I gave him 3 chances already because I didnt want to give up on our marriage. This year I have seen a lot of improvements in him. He has been trying hard to work on our marriage. We went for Umrah as well this past February. I finally felt like things were getting better between us until two days ago. I found him exchanging messages with that same girl and telling her how he feels. They recently started talking again after a year of no contact. I confronted him and now he is begging for another chance and trying to take care of me. He keeps crying to me about how badly he wants me in his life and how much he needs me and how he made a mistake. I havent told anyone about him cheating on me in the past two years but i think i should share it with his mother now. I cant deal with the emotional pain all by myself anymore. I’m going into severe depression.
My question is should i give him another chance? This would be the fourth chance im giving him in two years. Or should I ask for a divorce? I protected this marriage for as long as I could. I dont know if it would be foolish for me to give him another chance. Im breaking down everyday! I dont know what would hurt me more, to stay with him or to leave him. I really didnt want my marriage to end. I dont know if i can live without him. But sometimes i think that if I am still hurting after two years together then i feel like its now my fault for that continuous pain because im the one that keeps giving him chances to hurt me. Please me give your sincere advice.
A: You may suggest to him that if he ever slips into this then he should transfer the right of divorce to you or your parents. Thereafter you may be able to exercise the right of divorce on yourself.
And Allah Ta’ala (الله تعالى) knows best.
Answered by:
Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)