Q: I am a 30 year old women, with a 3 year old daughter. I am currently looking to seek Khula. My husband is also my first cousin and I was very happy with my marriage, however he left me over 2 years ago due to the following reasons:
1. Before we got married I had over £50k saved up as I worked for 10 years. Our parents had agreed for us to speak over the phone to understand each other before the marriage in a few weeks time. I told him that I didn’t have my own home or place to rent yet & to give me 3 months to buy or find a place to rent. He refused at the time and said that we should get married now. He also said that he would be able to buy a home for us as he had enough money from his family (they were extremely wealthy) and for me to not worry about it – this conversation happened several times. So we married a few weeks later. Note I spent close to £30k on marriage. I offered to use some of the money I had left for either rent or to buy a property & also use the money he had promised he had to get a place – however for the next 3-4 years he just kept promising and using excuses to delay getting any money. Then he left me 2 years ago on the day I raised the point again about us moving out (note my father wanted us to leave his home where we stayed after we got married) with one of his excuses being he can’t buy a home and that we can’t be together. He never looked back at me or even tried to keep in touch with his child. Countless times I even offered to rent a place out myself for us be he just didn’t want to.
2. We lived at my parents home after we got married and got his Visa to come to the UK. We actually in total lived here for 4 years. I helped to also provide for my own family because my father was on an extremely low income and also was the eldest child so I supported my mother, father & 3 other siblings. I told him this that I would need to support them before we got married & never did he object to it during the course of our marriage. However when he left me he used this as another excuse that he was annoyed I used to provide/help my family financially.
3. Another point is that he left me after 3 months of getting his permanent stay in the UK. So I’m assuming the Visa was the reason for the marriage.
4. I always tried to be very supportive to my husband helping financially – for e,g when our child was born I brought everything. I never once questioned him or even asked for any money because I understood he was on a low income & whatever is mine is his. Since the day he left 2 years ago he never made contact again with me. I don’t know where he lives, some family members do but they don’t tell me. Based on above reasons that he didnt support me financially and still doesn’t, left me and my child without proper valid reason over 2 years ago – please could you answer the following questions:
1. Am I within my rights to request for Khula?
2. As I don’t know where he is? What does Islam say about this? And how should I approach Khula? I don’t want any money from him – as I am capable of looking after myself and my child. I just want peace and want to move on. More recently I had a proposal from an already married man who wants to support me & my child. (I don’t know him & not spoken to him but we live in a close community and he heard about my circumstances at a local mosque) – my parents were told of this proposal through friends. If I go ahead I don’t want him to break up with his first wife. In fact I would want to live together as a family.
1. Does he need to get consent from his first wife if we were to do a Nikkah?
2. My parents told me about it but are refusing to the proposal because he’s already married – Can I marry him without my parents consent?
A: 1. Yes.
2. You may refer the problem to a ulama body. They will then study your case and if they find your case to be valid they will make make faskh (annul) the nikaah. You may speak to them directly, and even better will be that your parents or some male family member refers to them.
1. The nikaah will be done and the validity of the second nikaah is not subject to the first wife’s approval. However, on account of the disputes, fights and misunderstandings that have become so common we recommend that you do this in an amicable manner so that you don’t have any regrets later.
2. I suggest that you listen to your parents.
And Allah Ta’ala (الله تعالى) knows best.
Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)