Q: I bear witness in the court of Allah that everything in this email is the truth not fabricated and not exaggerated.
My husband and i have had a very stormy marriage from the beggining . He suffers from OCD. And atm his refusing to get help for it which is making my life unbearable. Recently he raised his hand very severely on my son .(because of his frustration . My son is 2 ) Wallahi i was about to lay a charge against him the only thing held me back was that my daughter is very attached to her father & that he would taint the reputation of my father in law.
This man smokes in the house . Does not pray salah . NEVER MAKES IT FOR JUMMAH NEVER!!! stays up till the odd hours of the morning watching t.v. swears infront my kids . And the list can go on. Furthermore i am not allowed to tell anyone of his family members that he does not go for jummah. The last time i called his father so we could help him together he gave me a 2nd talaaq and he told my father to take me and f off from his home .
He told me he will use every cent of his to fight me in court and get full custody of the kids .He obviously thinks because his wealthy he can do anything . May Allah open his eyes to reality . He Forgets Allah is above all. And his situation can turn very quickly .
I begged him and time & again to stop swearing read salah .i would say that Allah is watching u stop . Remember the azaab in the qabr . U bringing up your children with rotten habbits .. everything went to deaf ears. Yes i have weaknesses & yes i have my own faults but they are little which he only notices because of his ocd .
I begged him to write me a list and tell me what am i doing wrong . Where can i improve . He gave me a list via the marriage counsellor and i swear By Allah that i have tried to stop doing anything that annoys him . But now im left with a little problem. Now that i stopped doing things he doesnt like . I have to play happy couple infront of his family so nobody suspects anything and nobodys asks questions . All the issues are swept under the carpet .
Its funny how people forget they have daughters to and that one day they going to get married إن شاء الله . Let us act how we would if this would be happening to one of our own daughters . May Allah swt forbid this ever happening to anyone of them as i truly love them as my own family and they are far to kind and caring. He is one rotten egg in the entire family that does not make them All bad. MAY ALLAH SAFEGUARD EACH AND EVERY CHILD.
We did a 6 months separation and the main problem was my daughter . He wanted her all the time and because his mentally unstable i didnt want her to be alone with him.i did however say and again i swear by Allah that this is the truth come whenever u want to spend time with her here(my parents home) . He got his elder brother to phone my father a few times and that really stressed my parents out . He doesnt want family involved . He doesnt want to go to a marriage counsellor and i am 2 months pregnant . I leave for my parents home today .
If mufti could please advise me the way forward . I asked a very senior learned ulema when is the most powerful time to make dua . And his words to me wer sister you are pregnant you are oppressed your duas will reach the heavens surely.
Every single time he oppressed me i forgave him and more than that i sat on the muasallah and asked my rabb to forgive him aswell . Today i pray that Allah brings justice to everyone that lied to me on his behalf and him as well .
Also i just found out my father does not want me to return home . I do not have anywer to go . My parents are well known in the community perhaps they afraid of backlash from community memebers . . Perhaps they see me and 2 children one unborn child as a burden .
A: If he is not performing jumuah etc. then the better thing is to rather separate yourself from him. And if you are not going to separate you may be also washed away in the flood of his evil.
Just come back to your parents’ place under the pretext of a holiday and go on prolonging the period.
And Allah Ta’ala (الله تعالى) knows best.
Answered by:
Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)