Q: I am an unmarried girl of age 32. I lost my father 9 years back. I dont have a brother. My mother is not getting any suitable alliance for me. I changed my mind and started searching for a divorcee and widowed person with child also. But then also I didnt get. Hence i started thinking for a married person also. Each and every day I am facing problema and coming close to gunah. No one is understanding me. Every time they are telling me to have patience.
I got a person who is married and has a 7-8 years old daughter also and he wants to marry again. He stays about 900 km away from me and says that he will only tell their family members after gettimg married to me. However he says that he will surely come with 8 to 10 people from his society to marry me. He says that he was searching for another girl for the last 3-4 years as he has some issues with his wife. For that he has said to his in-laws also that he has problems and they should ask their daughter about it. But nor his wife or his in laws are listening or giving any attention. My mother does not agree. All of the family members are saying that I will be cursed by his first wife and I will be hurting his first wife by marrying him. Pls suggest what to do.
Its an extreme condition for me.
1. Is it ok to marry that man?
2. What does the shariat say about 2nd marriage of a man, does he destroy his first marriage by 2nd marriage?
3. What does the shariat say for the anger and curses of the 1st wife?
4. If the man is not at all ready to divorce the first wife at any cost and intends to give equal rights then is it right to say that the 2nd wife is destroying the first wife’s house?
A: Experience shows that many of the marriages that are carried out in this way end up in disaster. A man makes promises before the marriage until he gets into the marriage. When he gets into the marriage then he totally disregards the wife. Eventually she is in a position where she is in marriage but not enjoying the marriage, as though she is on the edge without any type of support, hence creating much more heartache, disgust, and disappointment.
And Allah Ta’ala (الله تعالى) knows best.
Answered by:
Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)