Q: This will be great help if you tell me the correct way to deal below:
I got engaged to a girl and its love. Since one year we are engaged and after two months we are getting married ….halls and everything are booked. Preparations are going on in my and the girls home.
My concern is that my fiancé had an affair a few years ago. She didn’t tell me anything unless I got some chat from her account. I regret to read it, after that I asked her about this and if she had any physical relationship with him. She confessed to me that she went to his home 2 to 3 times and first she told me she did oral but later she told me nothing like that happened, she just told me because I was forcing her. I actually told her that I found some sucking thing in her chat which I didn’t but I just faked it to get some info. Then she told me yes I did AND later after few days she denied it and told me that nothing happened.
Her ex used to live alone in his home and she went there. I have doubt that she might have had sex with him but she refused and she says that she didn’t even remove her clothes. Holding Quran she told me she didn’t have any physical relationship like sex, it was only physical touch but when I asked her then she just ignored me and ran away from me. She doesn’t want to answer anything. I don’t know what to do and I have no idea why I am getting mad by thinking of this.
I met her twice before proposing ane we had oral sex and tried to engage in intercourse but it didn’t happen and it was just oral, even after engagement I t she did suffer for me to get in the marriage..ried to have sex but she cried and she wasn’t ready for all this except oral. It may have happened but we were not having time. I regret doing that and I always seek forgiveness from Allah. I always pray and ask forgiveness for that.
I cant leave her I love her a lot and our families are very happy. She helped me a lot in my bad times and she loves me a lot. She did help me many times and she never asked me about my past. She always cares for me. I don’t want to leave her but I don’t know what is wrong with me and why I am getting hurting by asking her these questions. She is not answering me correctly. I don’t know women and I don’t know how it feels. I don’t know why she is not answering and this makes me feel that she had sex.
She offers all prayers and one thing I cant imagine any other girl as my wife but her but I am feeling very down and depressed of thinking that. I want a reason to stop thinking about it and I want something to trust her… I cant step back since everyone is happy and she is very happy.
A: It is stupidity on your side to ask her these types of questions when you were yourself engaged in this. Both of you should ask Allah’s forgiveness and go forward and make the nikaah.
And Allah Ta’ala (الله تعالى) knows best.
Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)