Q: Is it permissible for me to take another wife?
My wife fell pregnant after 16 years with twins and thereafter a 3rd child. Since then she has been living at her parent’s home which is already 2 years now. I understand that in the initial stages it was very difficult but now they have grown up so it is a little easier. I am very depressed at home as I really miss my wife and children around me. I live with my parents, but we have totally seperate quarters.
My wife always made excuses that she cant manage on her own. I am prepared to get a domestic worker to assist her with house chores and my parents are also prepared to help.
My parents dont see their long awaited grandchildren for many many months. I always travel on the weekends to visit my children but I really miss them when I am back home. Its really lonely without a wife and children for so long and heartbreaking to leave them. I also became a father after 16 years but have never seen the milestones of my children and how they grew up. Sometimes I actually cry myself off to sleep thinking about my children. My mother always cries and pines for her grandchildren which she was so excited for. I also admire other women who gave birth and returned home and can make an effort to manage. I always wonder how mums with twins managed on their own? My wife did come home for a week when the children were smaller but claimed the house is too small for 3 kids and she can’t manage.
Will it be permissible for me to make a second nikah without informing my wife as I dont know how long more she intends staying at her parents house as I am very lonely and depressed.
A: On account of the abundant problems and complications that are found through performing secret marriages, (e.g. creating suspicion in the minds of people regarding the man and woman whose nikaah has not been publicized as well as a lot of confusion and complications in many masaail i.e. the husband not being able to maintain equality between the wives in regard to their night turns, wealth and other aspects, laws of inheritance in the case of death, etc.) we strongly discourage it. We insist that the marriage be publicized. If you cannot manage, then you should take a second wife. However, you should publicize it.
And Allah Ta’ala (الله تعالى) knows best.
Answered by:
Mufti Zakaria Makada
Checked & Approved:
Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)