Q: I have been married for a year now. 6 months into my marriage I found out that my husband had been cheating on me. He was involved with a girl even before we got married and he continued that unlawful relationship throughout my marriage with him. When I found out, I didn’t have the courage to tell him I knew, so I indirectly told him to get rid of the girl to which he agreed. That didn’t happen. He continued lying to me and having relations with that girl. Finally, after giving him a chance to fix things, a month ago I confronted him. I told him I knew he was involved with another girl and that what he is doing is completely wrong. I asked him what he wanted and he told me that he wants to continue our marriage and wants me to give him another chance. So I did, for the sake of Allah. He said he broke all ties with her. Atleast infront of me he did. I knew he was broken up because he loved that girl and I know he doesn’t love me. The problem is, we aren’t too close to eachother. He doesn’t ever tell me what’s wrong with him if something is bothering him. He suffers from anxiety and depression and tends to isolate himself from the world. I feel like he and I have alot of distance between us. We have not emotionally bonded due to which sometimes I feel like I am living with a man that is fulfilling his duties unto me but there is no emotional connection between us. I know it will take him time to get over that girl but it tears me apart. I will never know if he has truly stopped talking to her. He uploads random depressing posts and statuses from time to time and I cant help but think that they all are referring to that girl! How am I supposed to trust him after that betrayal? He has been trying to fix things ever since I confronted him, but I don’t really know if he has actually let go of that girl. Its been a month now and at times my heart still feels very uneasy. I sometimes feel like he contacted her again but i will never know the truth. Yesterday he posted something about letting go and giving up on someone you love and his status said ‘I hope you find a love that you dont have to question’. What does all of that mean? I feel like he is sending that message out to his gf! I dont know what to do! I tend to get so miserable. How am I supposed to spend my life with a man that does not love me? How am I supposed to trust him after all those lies? What should I do to improve my marriage? My heart hurts so much. I sometimes wish I never met him. And now I’m in love with him and I don’t want to let him go. But I also can’t continue to live like this.
And Allah Ta’ala (الله تعالى) knows best.
Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)