Q: I have been having problems with my husband for over 16years. He has been having an emotional if not physical affair and emailing and meeting with this woman. The last time I found out was in April last year when I told him that I wanted a divorce. Besides this affair he ignores me, is increasingly irritated with me, criticizes me all the time and generally is angry and resentful to me. We have been to many counsellors but he initiated it this last time. However he does not go with the intention of resolving the matter. Rather a case of “fix my wife, she has a problem” He has narcissistic tendencies and thinks that he has made his business his life and focal point. I lack for nothing materially. But I am living with a boarder. He has not been remorseful and doesn’t apologize for anything. He says he has done nothing wrong because he didn’t sleep with her. We are separated for 6 months. Even in this time he refused to cut her from his business and have no contact with her. I had made up my mind that I wanted a divorce. Every waking moment was a torment with thoughts of what he put me through mentally and emotionally. I was so angry that my blood would boil during this time. I have been praying tahajjud and making Dua. I went to the Jamiat and the lady there said I should decide whether to make an agreement or to divorce. At this point I was convinced that divorce was the way. I decided to read istikhara. The next morning after my mind was calm. The first thought that came to mind was the agreement. The next two nights were restless and nothing came to mind. Should I look at this as a sign that I should go with the agreement?
A: I suggest that you speak to your family elders who are experienced, upright and righteous. Don’t do anything without consulting them provided you feel clear about the decision you wish to take.
And Allah Ta’ala (الله تعالى) knows best.
Answered by:
Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)