Q: I am a lecturer professionally in a reputable university and married since 1.5 years. This is my husband’s second marriage. My father passed away few years back so my mother got me married bcoz at that time these people committed to make me happy at any cost and my husband personally talked to my family and took em in confidence. So after marriage I served my in laws a lot even like a servant after coming from job. Just coz my husband got happy with it and after marriage job of my husband finished so I helped him financially too. But after some time he started to abuse me and degrade me even to beat me coz of his parents they were just doing the same as they did with first lady that I heard from their family. But at the same time when I try to go back to my home my husband start to cry that he’ll die if I leave him. When I agree to not to leave he again start the same from very next day. With so after 1 year of this I talked to his phuphoo who is a good lady by nature and she suggested me to have sitting with all family members of both and separate your kitchen. They agreed upon it coz if they don’t do so they can be separated from their family coz they tried to save his home first time also but this time if he would not agree all family members of them decided to cut off. So now I cook separately but from that day my husband don’t eat from what I cook he eat from their parents home. He pretend to be full when I serve him food. He quarrel with e on every minor issue . he force me to go to mom house for long so he could spend more time with his family. I took stretagy that I don’t go any where . I remain at home get ready before he come . cook meal before he come . spend my own money to run home. Bt he don’t feel comfortable to stay with me. Even in his medical report he is not capable of being father there are only 5% chances. BT I don’t blame him for this and want to stay with him . coz oifsprinfs are with Allah’s will. I don’t want to get divorce coz I know what this society treat with a separated woman. Iam doing PhD as well and successful otherwise professionally . some times I thought he is in complex bt some time it seems that he is and his family is criminal that they ruin our lives . even I spend eid days without him holidays weekends without him . ciz he want to stay with his family. and when I complained he stared to cry that I don’t leave him . give him freedom to go to his family and ask me for God’ s sake to stay here may be if he leave me his family ll also not pay attention to him so he realise it bt don’t think upon it . I have sympathies with him . I don’t want to leave him . he is a good person otherwise don’t smoke or any bad habit just possessed by his family’s pressure even he is big one at home . BT afraid of his small sisters . you please tell what should I do . I remain alone all the day and some times at night. Don’t have babies . don’t get love from him. What Islam says should I be patient ? And for how much time? Or what are the other ways?
A: If you can manage living under the present circumstance and you can put up with it then continue.
And Allah Ta’ala (الله تعالى) knows best.
Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)