Marital problems

Answered according to Hanafi Fiqh by Muftionline.co.za

Q: In 1st March, I gave permission to abort the feotus of 10weeks old in my womb after my parents told me that, if I give birth to baby :if its a boy,he will be like his father and if its a daughter,my husband will rape her. They told me that I wont be able to keep them in my custody after baby becomes 5 year old.He will file suit asking the custody of baby and ruin the baby and so on. And they told me that nobody including my parents will support me if I give birth to baby if I divorsed.If I decide to live with him for avoiding abortion,then also my parents wont support me even if they came to know that Iam stuggling due to harrassment from him. Background for doing such crime : After nikkah(2015) ,he told me that he has some lady friends,they are so close that they say ”i love you”each other. And he also told that 1of his lady friends,they are so close that she told him to buy garments for her private parts telling him the size. I told him to break this friendship because no lady can reveal those to a guy.He told me that its she who contacts him through phonecall and social medias. So I asked her number and sent a message-we are married now. I dont like this friendship,so stop contacts.She replied that”fuck yourself,bastard”. When I sent screenshot of this chat to my husband,he seemed to be very cool and told me that she is a good girl,she might not be in a good mood and so on. Then I told him that either stop relation with me or stop contacts with her forever.He promised that he wont contact her in his lifetime. But its a fake promise.After 8months of wedding,I went to UAE to live with him. Then I came to realise that the main job when he returned to room from workplace is to see,like and share her FB posts. He needed me only in bed. When I asked him that why you gave fake promise and continuing contacts with that lady,he acted like he died and few minutes later,he told me that he got heart attack and theirs was pure friendship and will maintain so until his death.I didnt doubt their friendship till I came to know from his old FB posts that they were lovers. I asked his close friend,he is my husband’s best friend from childhood.He revealed the real character of my husband when I told him about his heart attack.He told me that 2ladies out of 3 were only for satisfying his physical desires(with 1,he married her in temple for convincing her that he is her husband and by that way,he used her for his vulgar desires.2nd lady,he used her for some years and he gave promise to bring her from her home before her wedding date with another guy.But he escaped by saying that he was bed ridden with severe fever just few days before her wedding. Now also she contacts him believing that its the fever which led to broke that divine love. But he madly loved that 3rd christian lady,her family didnt agree for their marriage when she told about him when her family comes with another proposal.They were like couples for 5years,only difference was its not legal.After that,she compelled him to marry someone and 2months later,our nikkah was solemnised.But now also my husband is telling me that they are good friends and I am unnecessarily doubting him. His family know his affairs with ladies,especially with that lady.At the time of proposal,my family and relatives heared about this relationship and asked him and his mother(his father passed away 2months before that),they told that its just friendship and nothing else.My father contacted her over phone and asked her,she told that they’re just friends and she visited him in hospital when he was hospitalised in 2014 due to bike accident.Thats why rumours are spreading.She also told that her marriage is fixed.So no need to doubt about them. But its a lie.She was there in hospital with him day and night for 2days(Accident was happened when he eagerly went to see her,after cameback to India from abroad for leave). Nobody was there except both of them.she arrived hospital by travelling long distance to stay with him. He revealed this story 2weeks ago inorder to convince me that even in that favourable situation to commit zina,they were pure friends.And told me that they know how to control their desires and the only person he through he wanted,wants and wish to satisfy his desires, is with wife.I dont know how he can cheat me now also. He also told me that His mother went home because that lady came to take care of him for 2days. Now also he thinks that I dont know anything about his drama.He thinks that I only doubting him ”because of her posts that he liked and shared on facebook”.He doesnt know that his friend told me about my husband’s cheating. His friend also told me this : My husband,before nikkah,promised his friend that he will stop all contacts with those ladies and will be a good and responsible husband. He also told his friend that he told me about his past life and I told him that I have no problem with that. All was a lie. That friend told me that his heart attack was a drama,he acted so in presence of that friend, before few days of wedding when there was a family problem. That friend told me to escape from my husband and go back to India. I know my father will consider me as a burden if I became divorcee.I was continuing isthiqara.I prayed for a miracle to happen so that he will change his bad character and will be a good muslim.But things are getting worse day by day.I shared whats happening there to a elder cousin brother whom can I rely.He told me to return to India and try to avoid from being pregnant by saying any excuses. But it was not possible to ignore my husband in bed because he spends most of the time in a day for that even when he know that I couldnt even go to urinary because of pain due to his repeating enjoyments. By the time, I became pregnant.Some of my family members came to knew about it.After knowing that I am pregnant,I didnt want to came India because i was afraid. But at the same time,husband started to behave in a rude manner and started to hurt me mentally. He told me that he misses his country and so wants to start farm business in his place and I need to help him in taking care of those animals and birds so that he can go so many places for smooth running of business.I told this to hus friend and my cousin.Both told me that its for continuing those haram relationships by fooling me. I continued isthiqara. I cameback to India in january 30 after taking decision that Insha Allah,i will take care of my baby as a mother and father and will try to make my baby a good muslim. But When i cameback,they are compelling me to abort the child. I denied and it continued for a month. {{I had agreed for marriage with this man was to escape from my father’s torturing.I agreed for this marriage (after burying my wish of marrying a religious person who will allow me to wear niqab, teach me Quran and who will be a guide to my children.)(when i told about this wish,parents laughed at me and it was a period of mental harrassment and torturing.I cant reveal all those,may Allah forgive them and may Allah not give those situations to any daughters in the world. Only thing I would say,I dont want to be a prostitute that any strange guy in this world can tell,by calling over my father’s phone ,all his sexual desires that he wants to do with me in very vulgar manner,when i will be with him and my father enjoying it by putting it in loudspeaker and after cutting call,he asks me like an innocent baby that ”was that guy talking to you about sex?.”. I knew from my mother that another guy called father and he also want to talk to me.So i was really afraid.After that,this person (my husband)called my father to propose me .I said yes because i dont want to be a joker,burden and a prostitute over phone.}}. I know that I cant blame anyone except me for this major sin of aborting because I have earned Allah’s wrath by aborting the Amaanah which Allah granted to me. It was my duty to fulfill that obligation even when the entire world was against me. I am now thinking that I am worst than all the creatures in this world including those ladies and my husband because I earned Allah’s wrath by standing against the Almighty.If it was Allah’s decree that my husband abuse baby,who am I to stand against Allah’s decree and if the baby was as a mercy to me from my Lord(i had believed so and now also believing so),i rejected all blessings and earned curse of Allah and beloved ones of Allah by doing this crime.My family told me to do so by saying that 1st you save your dunya and then Akhirah. After doing this,make thouba.Allah will accept. But I wasnt convinced of that.I couldnt say these fake excuses to myself knowing that I have to suffer for this,in dunya and hereafter((My father told my husband that we lost baby because i fell down in bathroom and bleeding started.)) Even after reading the words of Allah in Qur’an, I committed such a sin. I dont know how I agreed to that after 1month of refusing to abort by convincing my parents about Allah’s prohibition and qabar.I also told them that nobody will be in qabar to support me and it will be burning with fire. Mother told that Allah will forgive if I obey parents.But even after knowing that its a lie and they are afraid that me and baby will be a burden for them,i told them that Allah will take my soul with my baby before giving birth if my husband will do such cruel things because Allah wont allow me to struggle in this trial.They told me that the things will happen the same way as they told,my husband will be so cruel to me and my baby. My father also added that why everything goes against you and why Allah is not accepting your duas even though you are doing salah,reading Quran and making dua in sujood. Then I was afraid whether things will be so as whenever they curse me,everything happens in my life will be as per their cursing words. I know my imaan is very weak,otherwise I couldnt have commit such crime. I dont know what to do.I was feared to live with my husband and i was struggling thinking that he was and is cheating me.But after abortion,I believe that my husband’s cheating is nothing even if he continues this for long period,and those ladies who even after their marriage ,wish to commit zina with him are more good than me. I know my husband wont change his character if no miracle happens.Its difficult to change him through advise of scholars or counselling.He has no worry about death and akhirah. I am just feeling that I am worthless of wishing anything and worse than saithan itself because saithan once disobeyed to do prostration,but I agreed to cut into pieces an innocent feotus which was part of my own body,Allah had bestowed His mercy on me by giving me an opportunity to give birth to Allah’s creature by growing it in my womb.Not everyone gets that blessing even after years of marriage.I dont know whether I will be able to give birth to children who become ”’closest to Allah and Rasoolullah and among them who are saved from the torments of this dunya”’, as I wished my babies would be so,even if their parents were not good enough. Pls give me an advise Sheikh and pls include me in Your duas.Pls ask forgiveness for me and to die as a mu’min and to make me among those who prostrate to Allah on Judgement day.

Bismillaah

A: I suggest that you move on with your life. If your parents and husband are not cooperating then move away from them. Request a divorce from your husband and respectfully look after yourself and your deen.

And Allah Ta’ala (الله تعالى) knows best.

 

Answered by:

Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)

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