Q: I would like your impartial and islamic opinion on the scenario below please. A young woman has a frank conversation her father and expresses a desire to marry her cousin. He isnt the cousin the father wants his daughter to marry, no reason given, only saying that I want you to marry cousin B and not cousin A. The woman does not want to marry cousin B and tells her father this. She tells her father that she will choose and marry a person of her choice if she cannot have cousin A. Her father tells her that if you do that I will not forgive you till the Day of Judgement if you do that. The woman finds a pakistani muslim young man of sound mind good character and they undertake nikkah. By this time the young lady has left the family home having been left emotionally and mentally drained. 10 years have gone by and her parents still refuse to forgive her. Moreover her parents have declared to the other members of the family that should any of you do such a thing you will also be disowned and not forgiven for life. This young woman’s sister has also been disowned by her father because she keeps contact with her sister. The young woman does nothing untoward and unislamic. She has made many a effort to phone her parents for forgiveness and even tried to go to the house, but her father keeps shutting her out and refuses to engage in any conversation. This young woman’s childhood was one of strict household policies. Some necessary and some not, for example no eid clothes allowed. Not being allowed to go on family outings. Not being allowed to remove unwanted facial hair. When the upper lip hair was removed and the father saw, he didn’t converse with her for 2 weeks. Sittings with her father were always frosty. Lectures were given to dampen self esteem morale and often many negative statements. She still maintained an obedient nature. 10 years on and she is still happily married with 2 children. Her in laws love her dearly. Please offer me some opinions on this with your expertise. May I add that the girls mother isn’t allowed to have an opinion on this. The father says she musn’t interfere in the way he is trying to preserve family heritage. And what the daughter has done is islamically wrong from every angle.
A: If the father had no valid deeni reason to stop his daughter from marrying then it was not right for him to stop her from marrying. Hence he will be sinful if he stops communication with his daughter. He needs to make taubah and restore the relationship.
And Allah Ta’ala (الله تعالى) knows best.
Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)