Q: My Bangladeshi husband has lost both his parents long ago. Shukar to the Almighty Allah that we are able to help his siblings often financially. However, it has come to a stage where it seems that his siblings are taking it for granted and they are not trying to help themselves. My husband has 4 sisters and 1 brother. The brother owns lots of land in Bangladesh. Over the past 12 years my husband has been trying to give his sisters land that was left behind by his parents, but each time he would go to Bangladesh, his brother and sisters would never come to an agreement as no will was left behind. My husband finally decided to go this year and give them more than the required land according to the sharia. He paid for all the transfer fees and made sure all the paperwork is fine. They got the most valuable lands now in their names. Out of the 4 sisters, one sister is financially doing well as her husband works hard in Kuwait. The remaining 3 sisters and the brother have always tried taking advantage of us by lying to us on situations we later found out were not true. We have helped send my brother in law’s oldest son twice to overseas to help him get a job and become more responsible. Last year we just finish paying his second sons university tuition to help him become independent but it’s been over 9 months and he is doing nothing to help himself. Both my brother-in-law’s sons are over 25 years old. The oldest one is now financially doing well in Singapore. My youngest sister-in-law has a husband who does not take care of his wife and kids and she is constantly asking us for money. We have sent lump sums over the years and have told her on many occasions to use the money wisely so they can improve their situation. But each time she just spends it all and within a month or two later will ask again. So she has gotten so used to getting money from us that she is now demanding it or will curse us. Her husband feels no responsibility for his family and does not provide for them. Their daughter is now getting married and we have sent money for the wedding, but they are planning to have a big wedding to show off and they are not happy with what we sent. They say they will curse us and keep questioning my husband’s salary as they believe that it should go to them. I am a housewife and homeschool my 2 kids. My oldest sister in law is a widow and she has three sons in overseas working but she also keeps wanting more money from us. My second oldest sister in law has one son overseas and another in his thirties doing nothing at home. But since her husband is crippled we do gladly send her a lot of money too, but her sons are not very responsible. We have tried over the years to help my husband’s siblings become more independent so they can do well financially, but they are not trying to do their part. We whole heartedly help them when they are sick or require money for food, sending their kids overseas to get jobs, all other necessary matters or for their children’s’ education. But they are expecting us to pay for their children’s’ elaborate weddings and jewelry etc. Sometimes I feel that it would be better for us to give the same money to help the many children victims of war, such as those who are undernourished and have no food. Instead we are giving lots of money to my husband’s siblings who are too proud and arrogant to work hard, are demanding and ungrateful. My husband’s siblings call him only for money, they never even cared when my son was hospitalized. My husband also has high blood pressure and we have a son diagnosed with cystic fibrosis. Given the situation, is it my husband’s duty to see to his siblings who have husbands or sons over 25 years old for extravagant events such as elaborate weddings or jewelry etc?
A: They are your family. If they are in financial constraints and difficulty, then you should assist them if you are able to. Do not be concerned about their attitude or misconduct as this will not decrease your reward by Allah Ta’ala for the financial assistance and good that you show them. Rather, it will increase your reward by Allah Ta’ala.
And Allah Ta’ala (الله تعالى) knows best.
Answered by:
Mufti Zakaria Makada
Checked & Approved:
Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)