Q: I have a big issue in my life, my wife has left me. Its been over a year and half and every time to time she comes back says she wants so reconcile but on her terms and when I don’t agree she says forget it. All the issues started a year and a half when her mother started to interfere and she started to listen to her mother over me. Her mother feels that a woman should be independent and work were she feels and do as she feels and I did not agree with this so my wife’s mother told her to leave me and she went. I have also seen my wife with another man who she said is just her work colleuge and she was walking with him to the train station I have told her this is wrong and haraam but she feels it is not. My wifes friends have advised her that she should leave me and ask for a divorce also my wife has asked her friends to find her a husband even though we are still married my wife has completely turned against me of course its not all her fault there are times when my wife has been disobedient to me and I have shouted and swore to which I have apologised. I am very heart broken. My wife has said and done things that make me feel that maybe she has been un-faithful. I love her very much. We also share a child. She has not let me see my son for the last 9 months. I don’t want to divorce her but she has no care for me. I have tried so many times to reconcile but if she does not get her way, then she says its over I don’t no what else to do but I cant seem to get over her and still love her after she has hurt me so much and all she does is blame me and make me feel bad. Her mother and friends have turned her completely against me. I have done so much for her financially. She left me in a very bad position as well. I can’t seem to forget her and my son. I really want to be with her but she does not care even though we are still married, she is doing whatever she likes. She is working in an environment with a lot of male workers and she finishes work late but she says its my fault because I am not around but I am around but she does not care. She keeps making excuses and blaming me to justify what she is doing. I don’t no what else to do. I am very depressed that i loved her so much gave her everything and she has just left me even till today I do not know what I did so bad that she just left and doesn’t let me see my son and she says I never done anything good for her. I use to do everything for her. I used to go and buy everything for her but I never complained as I was happy with her but now she says so many bad things about me like I never did any good. A year ago her father asked me to go to try to resolve things but her mother said my wife does not need to listen to everything I say, thats not how it works and I said but we will keep arguing if she doesn’t listen and her mother responded by saying well then it wont work. I need help on how to deal with this. I feel as I am going through severe pain and heartache and am not able to deal with this trauma. I don’t understand how someone can just stop loving me so easily. I feel she was with me when it was good but when things was going bad she left. I feel her love had conditions if I did as she wanted then shes with me but I loved her unconditionally. I am very lost and need help. Everyday is becoming harder and harder. Please help me.
A: If she is not willing to reconcile in your terms, I suggest that you continue with your life. Look for a suitable spouse and continue.
And Allah Ta’ala (الله تعالى) knows best.
Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)