Q: I don’t know if you will read my message but I pray that you can help solve my problem. I had a very tough life with my ex-husband and in-laws but I never thought of breaking my marriage because of my kids. I knew that if I moved out we all will suffer. My parents knew everything and they used to tell me that I just leave him and they will keep us and provide for us. They used to force me a lot but deep down my heart I felt like not leaving becuase I was scared to stay at my parents with kids (there comes a point in life where parents can’t take the kids of the daughter). Life went on. My hubby used to beat me and do all the nasty things with me. When one day our neighbour came to talk to him that brother it’s not nice of you beating your wife in public. Do what you want to do inside the house, respect your wife. My husband immediately jumped on me and said that why is this man favouring you. Seems like you have some relation with him. He forced me to sign on a paper that my neighbour tried to rape me. I was refusing and he planned everything and took me to the police station and made me sign on that. My father came to know that and he came and took me there by force and told me you don’t need to make up your marriage with someone who doesn’t care about your chastity. I was somehow relieved and thanked Allah Ta’ala removed me from there. I was with my kids at my parents, it was all ok. I got the khula after two years. The problem here is that my mother can’t stand my kids. She shouts them for nothing. If I will talk to her she quarrels with me so badly and whatever I do, she won’t talk to me for days. This was the thing I was scared of. I knew my mother, she was always super strict with us too. I can’t be and I don’t want to be that way with my kids because I know of all the damages it has caused to me. It’s like I am in trauma with all the strictness they were doing on us since we were little and my marriage to my ex was for this reason only that I wanted an escape from this. I don’t want my kids to suffer the same. Alhamdulillah I am raising them Islamically but I can’t be on them 24/7 not to let them even play outside. Sometimes I feel like it’s the end now. When I got a proposal from a man who was accepting me and my kids with Al conditions accepted, my parents said no, as this will bring shame on them in the community. Yes I want to get married, I need a husband. I’ve told them clearly that I need a husband and I want to save my Imaan and I don’t want to do anything which will bring harm to my Imaan, but what they said is make sabar. Please suggest me a way out of this.
A: If there is a need to get married then you should get married. If your parents are not understanding then you need to speak to the elders in your family to arrange the marriage for you.
And Allah Ta’ala (الله تعالى) knows best.
Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)