Q: Please may I request your assistance in three questions that I have bases on my scenario? I am a 48 years old revert to Islam. With my initial acceptance of Islam I was overwhelmed with the beauty of this dean of Allah. I accepted it with full heart soul and immediately adopted a life of only Islam and the way of life of our beloved Nabi (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) of almighty Allah. At that point, 12 years back, I was a very popular figure in our community, I had a very successful business, and I enjoyed love, respect and support from my family and lived a comfortable life in a fairly large house. I still remember that the only thing missing in my life was a humble, pious and obedient wife. Needless to say that is a very difficult gift to obtain. Since embracing Islam and changing my views on how to do business and how to please my Allah I have lost almost all my family, I don’t have any friends, and because of a partnership dispute I now have no business and live I a small home, but Alhamdulillah I am content with what Allah has given me. I am married with one daughter of 6 years but I am very unhappy in my life. I feel that Allah has put me through so many tests that my Mufti here once told me I am a sabr champion (on alight note). I just can’t find common ground with my wife to build a good relationship with her and I know she is not happy with our nikaah at the moment. I can’t see talaaq as an option as I love my wife and daughter very much and can’t see myself living without them but at the same time we are not happy and fight all the time. I have tried many options and sacrifices but nothing seems to help. My 3 questions are as follows:
1. Is it permissible to ask Allah in dua to take your life as you feel you can’t carry on living in unhappiness and not having the ability to make your spouse happy?
2. Is it permissible to take your own life in fear that you might run out of sabr and lose your Imaan?
3. Is it permissible to go in Jihad not just for the pleasure of Allah but also hoping to lose your life because of your unhappiness?
A: I suggest that the whole family should refer to some experienced righteous person. He will show you a way how you will be able to resolve and overcome your differences. If you are thinking of death then consider that it will bring greater injury to your daughter than your present differences. Is it fair in order to save yourself from injury you are moving away and not realising that you are creating a worse scenario for your child. Is this the type of love you wish to show? The one who is truly in love goes through difficulties to please the beloved.
And Allah Ta’ala (الله تعالى) knows best.
Answered by:
Mufti Ebrahim Salejee (Isipingo Beach)