Answered by Shaykh Yūsuf Badāt
Question:
I have an extremely bad temper and often my family and friends are the receiving end. This has caused many unpleasant instances for me and my loved ones. How can I gain control of myself? Are there any supplications that will help me? I do make an effort to make wuḍū or make dhikr on the few occasions when I remember.
Answer:
In the Name of God, Most Merciful, Most Kind
Jazāk Allāh Khayr/ Thank you for contacting Mathābah for your question.
Your concern for anger management and related matters is admirable. May God bless us all with calmness, gentleness and good character.
The Prophet Muḥammad (peace and blessings upon him) instructed the one in anger to recite ta’awwudh (A‘ūdhū billāhi min al shayṭāni al rajīm – I seek refuge in God from the rejected devil).
Salmān bin Ṣard (may God be pleased with him) said, “I was seated with the Prophet (peace and blessings upon him) while two men were using coarse language at one another. The face of one of them had gone red while his jugular veins swelled. The Messenger of God (peace and blessings upon him) said, ‘I know of a statement if he is to say it, that [rage] which he is experiencing would go away. If only he would say “A‘ūdhū billāhi min al shayṭāni al rajīm’” (Sunan Abī Dawūd and Tirmidhī)
Some additional recommendations are listed below:
• Make wuḍū (ablution) [See: Musnad Aḥmad].
• Make supplications to God to protect you from the harms of anger and rage.
• Make the dhikr (remembrance) of God.
• Move away from what angers you.
• Be indifferent to those who seek to make you angry.
• Busy yourself with something creative so that you are not occupied with that which is triggering your anger.
• Realize that this will be over sooner or later.
• Move on. Do not let things you cannot change keep haunting you.
• Be moderate and balanced in the things you do (schedule, work, diet, sleep downtime etc.)
• Eat healthy and exercise regularly.
• Improve your problem solving and communication.
• Accept your mistakes and be honest to yourself.
• Learn to forgive and forget.
• Take anger management classes by professional counselors and follow through.
May God facilitate success.
And Allāh knows best