Obeying Ones Mother in Acts of Disobedience

Assalâmu alaykum wa rahmatullâhi wa barakâtuh respected Muftî.

Recently my kâfir mother wanted me to assemble the new mowing machine she recently bought, so I went to the basement and came up with the package. I was in shalwar and with sunnah head covering, my mother objected and asked me to take off my sunnah head covering but I refused. She insisted on me taking it off, I still refused so I said that in this case I won’t be able to assemble the mowing machine and went to my room.

1) Was I right to do so? If not, what should’ve been the right course of action? Am I sinful for disobeying my mothers command?

I know that covering the head is not fard, but it is nevertheless sunnah, and to the best of my knowledge we have been ordered by Allâh ta’âla to follow the sunnah. I think if I start following the whims of the kuffâr it will not just stop at that point, I think after that they will try to say to me: “Remove your shalwar”, “Shave your beard off”, “Stop Salâh”, “Become kâfir”, etc.. May Allâh protect us from such.
Âmîn.

2) Currently what I strive to do is, that I try to obey my parents on all wordly matters but don’t pay attention to what they order me concerning religious matters. Is this the correct way?

3) What is the shar’î stance concerning obedience to kuffar parents if they order me to leave an act of Islam, do I have to obey them? Does it matter whether the act they want me to stop is sunnah, wâjib or even fard or will the ruling be the same in all cases?

I remember reading the meaning of a verse of the Qur’ân where Allâh orders us to obey our parents, I don’t remember where it was though. Also I once read a fatwa where a Muslim brother was told to shave of his beard in order to please his parents with the explanation that obeying our parents is fard (due to the explicit âyah) while the beard is “only” wâjib.

I am quite confused over all this. I don’t want to offend Allâh by leaving the sunnah but I also fear that I might disobey the Qur’ânic order of obeying my parents. Please clarify respected Mufti.

Wa’alaykum as Salām wa raḥmatullāhi wa barakātuhu,

1) It was wrong to refuse to fix the machine and go to your room. You could simply smile and complete the work without responding to the remarks of your mother. Thus, you should seek her forgiveness and if she still requires you to fix the machine, you should happily fix it for her.

2) Yes, this is the correct manner as mentioned in the Qurān and various tafāsīr.

3) Allāh Ta’āla said,

ووصينا الإنسان بوالديه حسنا وإن جاهداك لتشرك بي ما ليس لك به علم فلا تطعهما إلي مرجعكم فأنبئكم بما كنتم تعملون (العنكبوت )

“We have enjoined upon man, “Be kind to your parents, and if they force you to associate with Me things of which you have no knowledge, then do not obey them.” You will all return (to Me) and I shall inform you of all that you have done.”

(Al-‘Ankabūt, )

وإن جاهداك على أن تشرك بي ما ليس لك به علم فلا تطعهما وصاحبهما في الدنيا معروفا (لقمان 15)

“If they try to force you to set up any idols beside Me, do not obey them. But continue to treat them amicably in this world.”
(Luqmān, 15)

Nabi صلي الله عليه وسلم said,

قال الطبراني حدثنا عبد الله بن أحمد بن حنبل حدثني أبي ثنا إسماعيل بن أبان حدثني حفص بن عمران عن سماك بن حرب عن الحسن عن عمران بن حصين قال : قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه و سلم : ( لا طاعة لمخلوق في معصية الله ) (المعجم الكبير – 18 / 177)

“There is no obedience for creation if it entails the disobedience of Allāh.”
(Al-Mu’jam al-Kabīr, 18/177)

In light of all the above, it will not be permissible for you to obey your parents in issues which contradict Sharī’ah. In fact, even if a thing is Sunnah, you do not have to obey your parents if they command you to abandon it.

Nabi صلي الله عليه وسلم has emphatically given the command of growing the beard as narrated in Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhāri. Thus, even though the beard is wājib, you have a contradiction between the command of Nabi صلي الله عليه وسلم and your parents. Obviously, the former will have preference.

والله تعالى كثيرًا ما يقرن بين طاعته وبر الوالدين، كما قال: { أَنِ اشْكُرْ لِي وَلِوَالِدَيْكَ إِلَيَّ الْمَصِيرُ * وَإِنْ جَاهَدَاكَ عَلى أَنْ تُشْرِكَ
بِي مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِ عِلْمٌ فَلا تُطِعْهُمَا وَصَاحِبْهُمَا فِي الدُّنْيَا مَعْرُوفًا وَاتَّبِعْ سَبِيلَ مَنْ أَنَابَ إِلَيَّ ثُمَّ إِلَيَّ مَرْجِعُكُمْ فَأُنَبِّئُكُمْ بِمَا كُنْتُمْ تَعْمَلُونَ } [لقمان :14 ، 15] . فأمر بالإحسان إليهما، وإن كانا مشركين بحسبهما، وقال تعالى: { وَإِذْ أَخَذْنَا مِيثَاقَ بَنِي إِسْرَائِيلَ لا تَعْبُدُونَ إِلا اللَّهَ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا } الآية. [البقرة :83] . والآيات في هذا كثيرة. وفي الصحيحين عن ابن مسعود، رضي الله عنه، قال: سألت رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: أي العمل أحب إلى الله؟ قال: “الصلاة على وقتها”. قلت: ثم أيّ؟ قال: “بر الوالدين”. قلت: ثم أيّ؟
قال: “الجهاد في سبيل الله”. قال ابن مسعود: حدثني بهن رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم ولو استزدته لزادني .

وقوله: { وَإِنْ جَاهَدَاكَ عَلى أَنْ تُشْرِكَ بِي مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِ عِلْمٌ فَلا تُطِعْهُمَا } أي: إن حَرَصَا عليك كل الحرص على أن تتابعهما على دينهما، فلا تقبل منهما ذلك، ولا يمنعنَّك ذلك من أن تصاحبهما في الدنيا معروفا، أي: محسنًا إليهما )تفسير ابن كثير – 6 / 337 دار طيبة)