Question:
If a husband living in Saudi Arabia and goes to Makkah and Madinah just for few days.
After going there, he insists his wife for intimacy, but as it is very sacred place, the wife doesn’t want to because it is just for few days only. She feels that the husband can be intimate after reaching home.
So who is doing wrong in this case? If the wife disagrees he uses very bad language and may divorce.
Also at home when he insists for intimacy, and there’s a high possibility to miss the Fajr prayer, and the wife also feels cold allergy for taking shower early in the morning. At the same time at night she doesn’t want to remain in impure condition for prayer.
If wife disagrees, he uses very bad language and may divorce.
Not only this; he hides about his money, income, his family members all the time. What should the wife do now?
Jazaka Allah kairan for your time and great efforts.
Answer:
Bismillahi Taʿālā
Assalāmu ʿalaykum waraḥmatullāhī wabrakātuh,
It is very fortunate for both of you that Allāh Taʿālā has kept you very close to his beloved home. May Allāh accept your travels and your ʿibādāt, Amīn.
Intimacy in the holy cities:
You are very fortunate that your husband takes you to the holy cities of Makkah al-Mukarramah and Madinah al-Munawwarah. You have not clarified if whether at the time when your husband called you for intimacy you both in state of iḥrām or not. If you were, then the answer would differ; however, from your question it seems that your primary concern is due to the sacredness of the two holy cities. The following answer is given in light of this assumption.
My honorable sister, when we emerge from home, temptations and shahwāt are all around us. It does not matter if the lands are sacred or not, attacks of shayātīn and nufūs (carnal self) are always trying to dissuade the servants of Allah from His path. It is for this reason, our elders and pious predecessors preferred to take one of their companions (from among their wives) when travelling far. Remember that Allah Taʿālā has made you a shield for your husband, and your husband a shield for you. So, when you are travelling, and your husband feels a physical need to fulfil his desires, or if you feel that he should fulfil your desires, then as a married couple following through with intimate relations is rewarding.
Yes, it is understandable that you may feel that the place is sacred. However, remember that as long as there are no Sharʿī reasons to object, the intimate relations between spouses are a meritorious act of ṣadaqah, an ʿibādah in itself. Just as you feel that you should honor the sacredness of the land, you should also feel it in your heart that your good deed is preserving your spouse from any kind of harām thoughts and shahwāt. The same also holds true in the other direction as well. This preservation and protection within a marriage is a very lofty bounty of Allah. May Allah continue to preserve both of you in your marital bliss. Amīn.
The issue here is not about who is doing right and who is doing wrong. You have a sacred honor for the holy cities, while your husband only wishes to be close to you even in the holiest of places. Sharīʿah has not stopped him from being intimate with you there, as long as neither of you are in iḥrām. So, it is a point of rejoicing that when he feels intimate needs, his eyes shift to you. May Allah preserve this, Amīn.
Advice about marital-counsel
Now while I have addressed the positive and blissful side of the matter, I must also admonish or at-least caution the husband. Intimate relations are indeed a very big part of marriage, but it is still the injunction of our Nabi ﷺ to remain as gentle and understanding of the spouse as possible. If at times the spouse is not in the mood to have intimate relations, then understand the situation, and instead of pressing the other for an un-wanted intimate relation, mutually understand how to cope in the relationship.
Increase communication to inform the likes and dislikes so that appropriate times can be arranged for the intimate relations. Most of all, if things do not go the way one wants them to, then show in one’s character how loving one is. Instead of reviling one’s tongue, learn to win the hearts.
Refusing intimacy in fear of missing Fajr and cold from ghusl in the morning
Alhamdulillah both parties are Muslims. Both parties know the importance of the Fajr Ṣalah. The husband and wife need to sit and review these important aspects of life. Both parties should come mid-way to help cope with each other’s issues. Arrange the intimate interaction from beforehand at a suitable time, especially when one knows that the spouse will be more worried about Fajr Ṣalah and may not have her heart in for an intimate session. Similarly, the wife can give her input on when would be the best times for the couple to be intimate.
Instead on focusing on correcting what has already happened, in such matters, try and make the new interactions correct. In a marital relation, learn not only to forgive rather to forget the small shortcomings so that the moments which are coming in future are more blissful and full of love.
It goes without saying that this can never be done if the husband is trigger-happy to hurl vulgar language at the most intimate of his partners. Our partners are more deserving of our respect and honor than strangers. When one will not hurl vulgarity at strangers, then how can one lower the level of our own spouse to treat them with vulgarity?
Husband hiding money or financial status from everyone
Islām affords every individual an independent and individualistic right to his own wealth and money. Even when two people are joined within a marital relationship, Islām maintains a separation of their estate. Hence, as long as the husband is fulfilling all the financial rights of the wife and cares for her needs, Islām gives him full right to keep his financial information to himself. The same is equally true for the wife as well. Her money and wealth belong to her. The husband does not have the right interfere with her financials.
While that is the case, as a marital partner, wealth should not become a dividing factor between husband and wife. If the husband chooses to keep the financial information hidden to preserve the marital solidarity, then the wife should not probe into it. Likewise if the wife is an earning individual, then the husband should also keep the same standards for her privacy as well without making these issues a cause of disunity and harm within marriage.
At the same time, if either of the parties need financial assistance or help in management of finances, then the spouse should feel pride in providing that comfort as well.
And Allāh Taʿālā knows best,
Wassalamu ʿalaykum,
Mufti Faisal al-Mahmudi