Question
Asalaamu Alaikum respected MuftiSaheb
I have been married for almost 3 years. I have been seperated from my husband for over 6 months.
We also lots a child of 4 months 1 and a half years ago.
My husband is very short tempered and moody. He snaps within a second for no reason at all.
We barely spend any time together. During the day his in class and in his free time hes doing khidmat of the ustads and his with friends.
Times when we can be together he makes it clear to me that his relationship with his parents are more important than that with me so we then at his parents place.
MANY times he threatened me saying his calling my father and few family members and his sending me home. However he never called and I always begged to make the relationship work. Although until now he can’t explain why did he do that or what was I doing wrong despite me asking a numerous amount of times what the problem is. ( Once he changed plans which I didn’t know. I then asked politely but didn’t we say we doing this and he threatened to call home saying I’m disobedient)
It was also mentioned a couple of times that his ‘sheikh’ says I’m a terrible person and he’ll be better off without me. (he now claims this was a lie and he just done it to create fear in me)
The words stupid, terrible, rubbish and useless were used often on me.
A few months back he came home randomly asking me abruptly and harshly ‘do u ever plan on having another child’ (this is not in my control) and he caused a huge fight over it saying his life is miserable with me and he’ll have to live with this misery forever. He feels like ending it right now. He then said by the next morning I must have a paper signed as to which date I want to be pregnant if not I must go home to my parents.
Until then I had no intention of going home or complaiing to my parents however I couldn’t handle the emotional and verbal abuse any longer.
I took the decision to go home. He then said it’s my own choice and I should take all my things and go. He repeated that adding on if I need an extra day to pack I must stay 1 day more but t I must take everything and go. He claims it wasn’t meant as talaq..
He then bad mouthed me and lied about me. However he is refusing to give talaq. He says I should go back. Upto now he sends msgs to family members saying how disobedient and disrespectful I am also stating he will never give me talaq.
Please advise. What do I do from here? I have no intention of returning to the marriage.
Answer
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Sister in Islam,
We sympathise with you and pray Allah obliterates your predicament, misery and plight and creates ease, comfort and peace.
We have observed that your query is not from within our area of operation; hence, we will not be able to provide you with any assistance in the matter. We, therefore, advise that you refer your case to a local Jamiatul Ulama or Ulama body that deals in marital cases and present your case to them.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Checked and Approved by
Mufti Nabeel Valli.
Darul Iftaa Mahmudiyyah
Lusaka, Zambia