Is it permissible to have phone sex with one’s wife?
In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,
Phone sex refers to sexual conversations between two persons over the telephone. It is defined as a telephone conversation between two people whose objective is to arouse, titillate and stimulate one another. The point of phone sex is to help the partner in achieving orgasm through masturbation. “Phone sex” is frequently put in quotation marks because sex is usually associated with at least touching each other.
Phone sex is very similar to cyber sex, although the latter is typically free of charge. Cyber sex is the logical continuation of phone sex on modern computer networks. It is often seen as a simulation of “real” sex, and participants usually try to make the experience as close to real life as possible. It can be considered a form of role playing that allows a couple to experience sexual sensations without actually physically being in each other’s company. (Webster’s online dictionary)
As far as the Islamic ruling on phone and cyber sex is concerned, obviously engaging in them with someone to whom one is not legally married is completely and decisively unlawful (haram). Intimate conversations with other than one’s spouse is without doubt immoral, sinful, blameworthy and unlawful, especially calling commercial sex phone lines and destroying one’s morals, ethics and wealth.
As far as legally married couples being involved in phone sex is concerned, there are two situations here:
1) If the objective is to arouse one’s spouse and guide him/her in masturbation to the point of having an orgasm, then this would not be allowed. Masturbation is sinful, being prohibitively disliked, and having many personal and societal ill-effects that are known and recognised in sane traditional societies and by balanced people the world over. However, mutual masturbation between the spouses is permitted. (Ibn Abidin, Radd al-Muhtar, 2/400)
During the course of a phone conversation, it will not be permitted for either of the spouses to masturbate. It cannot be called mutual masturbation, as that is when one satisfies one’s self with a part of one’s spouse’s body. Thus, it will not be permitted for one to fantasize and play with oneself to the point of having an orgasm.
2) If during a phone conversation, the objective is not to masturbate; rather the spouses are merely intimate, then this would be permitted. It would be permitted to have an erotic and sexual conversation with one’s spouse, provided one does not fear falling into masturbation or any other unlawful act.
It is completely lawful to think of one’s spouse in a sexual way, hence there seems no hindrance from fantasizing about one’s husband or wife.
If one avoids masturbation, but has an orgasm by merely having an erotic conversation with one’s spouse, then this also does not seem to fall into the unlawful, provided the objective was not to masturbate or have an orgasm.
Finally, if there is no need for this, meaning if the couple are not distant from one another, it would be best to avoid it, as it is also a form of wasteful expenditure. However, couples who are distant from one another may be intimate over the phone or internet.
And Allah knows best
[Mufti] Muhammad ibn Adam
Leicester , UK