I am having a dilema, since I got married 9 months ago my in laws have not spoken with me. My husband wants a walima as he is very cautious that his family relatives see us as they have not been told about our nikkah as his Mother is ashamed of me as i am not of the same race.
What can I do? If my husband wants a walima it will be separate, but I would like a say in what goes on and who is invited and when it happens, can I do this?
I am so fed up of culture over islam. I am a convert and I am fed up of this culture being mixed into Islam.
In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,
A marriage banquet (walima) is provided by the groom after the consummation of marriage, and within the first two or three days. As such, if you do intend to arrange a feast, it will not be considered a Walima, for you have been married for nine months. Nevertheless, the reward for inviting others to a meal will still be gained.
You and your husband should mutually agree on how to go about this and who should be invited. If he wants his family to get to know you, then you should respect his wish, even if his family does not accept you. Mutually agree on the details of the feast, but let him have the final word, for a husband is regarded to be the Amir of the family.
Your duty and responsibility is to be good with his family members. If you do that, you will have fulfilled your obligation, and leave the rest to Allah Most High. Be polite, gentle and kind with them, even if they refuse to speak to you. This will eventually have an effect on them and gradually they will begin to accept you, and even if they don’t, you will be rewarded on this in the hereafter.
It is true that many Muslim families and societies give precedence to their cultural customs over Islam. This is a sad state of affairs, and it is a duty of the learned to educate people with wisdom and politeness. May Allah Almighty guide us all to the straight path, Ameen.
And Allah knows best
[Mufti] Muhammad ibn Adam
Leicester , UK