Answered by: Moulana Muddasser Dhedhy
My daughter has married a non-muslim in the registrar’s office.
What should be my relationship with her?
How should I treat her?
As of now I have broken all contacts with her and prohibited her entry in my house.
بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيْم
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
Islam encourages good conduct with those around us and has emphasised treatment of family with kindness and love.
In the Holy Quran, Allah has instructed children to be kind to their parents, even if they may be disbelievers:
“But if they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but behave with them in the world kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to Me in repentance and in obedience.” (Luqmaan 31:14)
Since your daughter has entered into marriage with a non-Muslim, this step may already be endangering her Iman, thus shutting her out may cause her condition to worsen.
Keep her close to you, show both her and her husband true Islamic character through your own good character.
Deal with them with love and warmth, and as you win their hearts, play your role as a guide and father and affectionately remind your daughter of the consequences of her decision, possibly encouraging her to bring her husband towards Islam so that her children remain on Deen as well. Cutting ties with her and her husband will leave her without guidance from a fatherly figure and an apprehension towards Islam.
Allah advised Prophet Musa and Prophet Haroon with soft speech when sending them to the tyrant Fir’aun, as kind words affect the heart:
فَقُولَا لَهُ قَوْلًا لَّيِّنًا لَّعَلَّهُ يَتَذَكَّرُ أَوْ يَخْشَىٰ
And speak to him with gentle speech that perhaps he may be reminded or fear [Allah]. (20:44)
The following Hadiths outline the reward of showing kindness to relatives and punishment of breaking ties with them:
قَالَ وَأَهْلُ الْجَنَّةِ ثَلاَثَةٌ ذُو سُلْطَانٍ مُقْسِطٌ مُتَصَدِّقٌ مُوَفَّقٌ وَرَجُلٌ رَحِيمٌ رَقِيقُ الْقَلْبِ لِكُلِّ ذِي قُرْبَى وَمُسْلِمٍ وَعَفِيفٌ مُتَعَفِّفٌ ذُو عِيَالٍ
The inmates of Paradise are three: One who wields authority and is just and fair, one who is truthful and has been endowed with the power to do good deeds. And the person who is merciful and kind-hearted towards his relatives and to every pious Muslim, and one who does not stretch his hand in spite of having a large family to support (Sahih Muslim 2865).
قَالَ إِنَّ جُبَيْرَ بْنَ مُطْعِمٍ أَخْبَرَهُ أَنَّهُ، سَمِعَ النَّبِيَّ صلىاللهعليهوسلميَقُولُ ”لاَ يَدْخُلُ الْجَنَّةَ قَاطِعٌ”.
May Allah bless us all with good character.
Only Allah Ta’ala knows best.
Written by Moulana Muddasser Dhedhy
Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham