Answered by Ustadha Umm Abdullah
Question:
Salam, I’m very upset and can’t do anything about it, my husband isn’t ready to increase foreplay or separately touch my clitoris long enough to let me orgasm, it’s been 10 months of marriage and two months ago I figured out I never had an orgasm with him, I touched myself and understood the feeling.
Can I do that?
Answer:
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
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Allah Ta’ala states in the Qur’an;
وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُمْ مِنْ أَنْفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُمْ مَوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُون
“Also among His signs is that He has created spouses for you from yourselves(from your own species) so that you may find solace (peace and rest) with her and He has placed (tremendous) love and mercy between you. There are certainly signs in this for those who have knowledge.”
[Surah Rum: 21]
This verse indicates that the outcome of married life is peace of mind and comfort. Peace from one’s spouse can only be achieved when there is a mutual recognition of each other’s rights and a sincere effort to fulfil them. Otherwise, the demand for meeting one’s own rights will only lead to domestic brawls and shattering of peace.
Foreplay between the spouses before engaging in sexual intercourse is extremely important (especially for the wife) and a vital component of intimacy that should not be neglected.
The husband must make an effort to arouse his wife before engaging in sexual intercourse with her. Not doing so will leave her unsatisfied, discontent and may have bad consequences on one’s marriage.
Rather, foreplay with one’s spouse is something that has been encouraged from the Prophet Muhammed 
himself.
Jaabir Radiallahu Anhu narrates that I got married, then came to the Prophet and he said “did you get married oh Jaabir?”. I said “Yes”. He said, “to a virgin or a non-virgin?” I said, “To a non-virgin”, He said, “Why not a virgin, so you could play with her and she could play with you?” [1]
The words of Rasulullah Sallalhu Alayhi wa Sallam in the above hadeeth indicate that he encouraged Jaabir Radiallahu Anhu to marry a womanwhom he could be playful with and wanted them both to enjoy one another.
Aisha Radiallahu Anha narrates that Rasulullah used to kiss her and suck her tongue. [2]
There are many forms of foreplay that a husband can engage in to please his wife. These should be mutually agreed on by the spouses and the wife should open up to her husband about what satisfies her.
Speak to your husband about how you feel and be patient with him. Resorting to fulfilling your own desires is not the solution to your problem. Rather, it may lead to further complications and arguments in your marriage.
Only Allah Ta’ala knows best
Ustadha Umm Abdullah
Darul Ifta Birmingham
[1]
حدثنا آدم، حدثنا شعبة، حدثنا محارب، قال: سمعت جابر بن عبد الله رضي الله عنهما، يقول: تزوجت، فقال لي رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلمما تزوجت فقلت: تزوجت ثيبا، فقالما لك وللعذارى ولعابها فذكرت ذلك لعمرو بن دينار، فقال عمرو: سمعت جابر بن عبد الله يقول: قال لي رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلهلا جارية تلاعبها وتلاعبك
صحيح البخاري، حديث ٥٠٨٠، المكتبة الشاملة
[2]
حدثنا محمد بن عيسى، حدثنا محمد بن دينار، حدثنا سعد بن أوس العبدي، عن مصدع أبي يحيى، عن عائشة،أن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم كان يقبلها وهو صائم، ويمص لسانها
سنن أبي داود، حديث ٢٣٨٦، المكتبة الشاملة