Answered by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
My husband left me one month ago. We had an argument and he left, completely cutting me off. He refuses to answer my phone calls, refuses to see me and ignores any messages I send unless it’s to swear at me. I have said that if he wants to leave me then he should divorce me properly but he doesn’t respond to this.
We have been married four years, no kids, but I don’t want to give up on my marriage with him. I went into my marriage vowing to stand by him in this life and inshAllah the hereafter, and I don’t believe in divorce, I believe in working through problems.
I have no one else to turn to, no family, friends or local Molvi who could talk to him to make him see sense. I have turned to Allah swt and continually make dua everyday in the hope that my husband will calm down and come back to me but is there anything else I can do? Are there any specific duas or surahs that can help me in my turmoil? I’m worried I have lost my husband for good.
All marriages have ups and downs and it requires both you and your partner to work at it. If you both are fundamentally practicing Islam, then you have a foundation on which to build a marriage. If either of you is lacking in your religion, then that needs to be dealt with otherwise it can lead your marriage to crumble.
Firstly look at yourself, see if you are doing what a good Muslim woman should do. A true Muslim wife is always obedient to her husband, provided that no sin is involved. She is respectful towards him and is always eager to please him and make him happy. The husband has many rights over the wife and the greatness of these rights can be confirmed by the words of the Prophet of Allah , “No human being is permitted to prostrate to another, but if this were permitted I would have ordered wives to prostrate to their husbands, because of the greatness of the rights they have over them.” (Musnad Ahmad & Musnad Bazzar)
Saaidah Aishah asked the Prophet of Allah , “Who has the greatest rights over a woman?” He said, “Her husband.” She asked, ‘And who has the greatest rights over a man?” He said, “His mother.” (Majmauz Zawaaid p.308 v.4)
A Muslim wife should help her husband to be of good character, by displaying different types of intelligence, cleverness and alertness in the way she deals with him. This opens his heart to her and makes him fond of her. Obedience to her husband is one of the things that may lead her to Paradise, as the Prophet of Allah said: “If a woman prays her five daily prayers, fasts her month (of Ramadan), obeys her husband and guards her chastity, then it will be said to her: ‘Enter Paradise by whichever of its gates you wish.” (Musnad Ahmad & Tabraani)
Saaidah Umm Salamah narrates that Prophet of Allah said, “Any woman who dies, and her husband is pleased with her, will enter Paradise.” (Sunan Ibn Majah p.133 v.1)
If you have evaluated yourself and found that you are honestly doing the best you can, then you must look to your husband. Is he fulfilling his duties to you? Is he working to support his family? Does he also make an effort to look good for you and meet you with kindness and nice words?
Saaiduna Ibn Umar narrates that the Prophet of Allah said, “In the sight of Allah , the worst of all halal (lawful) acts is Talaq.” (Sunan Ibn Majah p146 v.1)
Regarding your situation, my humble opinion will be to try and bridge any differences which you have between your husband and create some sort of feelings and love towards him. Try to get a local Imam or even family members involved so that they can speak to your husband and Insha Allah it will make him see sense.
If your husband is not willing to listen and nor is he giving you a divorce then you can seek a separation through an Islamic Shari Committee.
An Islamic Shari Committee can annul a marriage if they have at least three just persons sitting therein. They should all be knowledgeable and well versed in Shariah laws on marriage and divorce. An annulment issued by such a committee is valid in the Shariah. (The Complete System of Talaq p.211)
An annulment of marriage can be effected in any of the following situations:
The husband is missing completely
The husband is absent with no known whereabouts
The husband is incapable of maintaining his wife
The husband is unwilling to maintain his wife
The husband oppresses the wife such that he does not fulfil her rights
The husband is castrated
The husband is impotent
The husband is insane
The husband is afflicted with leprosy or any other illness which makes living with him difficult
The choice of an immature when he/she attains maturity
Husband or wife become apostate
Foster relationship which only becomes known after Nikah
(The complete System of Divorce p.213)
Maulana Yaqub Qasmi
Home/Office: +44 (1924) 464523
Only Allah Knows Best
Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham.