Respected Aalim. On behalf of a sister
Is it permissible for a husband to do as he pleases in a marriage without telling or informing his wife about anything and demand to know every move of his wife?
He tells his wife very little and leaves out the major details which cause arguments and fights. For e.g. He is going with cousins and friends for a weekend away and tells his wife he is going to visit his sick uncle, which is true as he lives in that particular city they going to. But he omits telling her he is going with friends and it`s basically a weekend away.
Will Allah’s curse be on the wife if she doesn’t seek permission from her husband for all that she does? Please advise on haqq of man and wife. JazakAllah
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
The turbulence in the relationship in question appears to have surfaced due to lack of transparency and trust. The institution of marriage is built on openness, transparency and trust. Trust is a key ingredient to a successful marriage. Both spouses should be over and above any traits which taint faithfulness to marriage.
A marriage founded on trust, openness and transparency will bring forth peace and love in the union as described by Allah [al-Qur`an, 30: 21]:
ومن آياته أن خلق لكم من أنفسكم أزواجاً لتسكنوا إليها وجعل بينكم مودة ورحمة
Translation: And among His Signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves, that you may find peacefulness in them, and He has set between you love and mercy.
This love and peace requires both the spouses to fulfil the rights of each other and be honest. The husband should refrain from telling lies and the wife should not argue or neglect in any of her obligations. The couple should consider the following hadith of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him):
من ترك الكذب وهو باطل بني له في ربض الجنة ومن ترك المراء وهو محق بني له في وسطها ومن حسن خلقه بني له في أعلاها
Translation: Whoever leaves telling lies, having been false, a palace will be constructed for him on the outskirts of paradise. Whoever abandons an argument when he (or she) is on the right, a palace in the middle [of paradise] will be constructed for him (or her). And whoever beautifies his character, a palace will be built for him (or her) in the highest level [of paradise].
As for the hadith in reference, Ibn Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates:
أن امرأة من خثعم أتت رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم فقالت يا رسول الله أخبرني ما حق الزوج عل الزوجة فانى امرأة أيم فان استطعت وإلا جلست أيما قال فان حق الزوج على زوجته أن سألها نفسها وهى على ظهر بعير أن لا تمنعه نفسها ومن حق الزوج على الزوجة أن لا تصوم تطوعا إلا باذنه فان فعلت جاعت وعطشت ولا يقبل منها ولا تخرج من بيتها إلا باذنه فان فعلت لعنتها ملائكة السماء وملائكة الرحمة وملائكة العذاب حتى ترجع
Translation: A woman from the tribe of Khuth’am came to the Prophet (peace be upon him) and said, “O Messenger of Allah! Inform me of the right of the husband on the wife? I am a single woman. If I am able to (fulfil the rights of my husband then I will get married); otherwise I will remain single.” Allah`s Messenger (peace be upon him) said, “The right of the husband on the wife is that when he calls her, she should respond to him even if she is mounted on the back of a camel. From the rights of the husband on the wife is that she should not fast voluntarily without his permission. If she does so, she will be hungry and thirsty; however, her fasting will not be accepted (by Allah Ta’ala). She should not leave the house except with his permission. If she does do so, the angels in the sky, the angels of mercy and the angels of punishment will curse her until she returns.”
On the other side, sharia assures a dutiful wife entry into paradise. Prophet (peace be upon him) states, “If a woman dies while her husband was pleased with her, she will enter paradise,” Similarly, the menfolk have been instructed to be open, transparent and honest. Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “the best of you is the best of you to his wife” and “fear Allah concerning women. Verily, you have taken them under the trust of Allah”.
We advise the sister to sit down with her husband and discuss her feelings with him, and hopefully he will change his attitude towards her. They should discuss some fundamental questions: Why would the husband have to lie to go away with his friends? Is there a lack of mutual trust between them? What is the cause for this mistrust? How can the couple overcome this issue? How can they be more open and transparent in their marriage? Both the partners should try not to think of their counterpart as a hindrance to her happiness and a justification for their wrongdoing, but as their partner with whom they can work together to find a workable solution. However, if the couple are unable to reach a conclusion, they may approach a reputable family member who may enjoy some influence over each other and thus try to reconcile between them.
Also, the spiritual environment and ethos at home should also be addressed. They should create an ethos which propels everyone to live a life according to the dictates of Sharia. This could be done through conducting recitation of a book on a daily basis, listening to the speeches of our scholars and introducing Islamic literature. She may also make the following supplication to Allah:
رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا
Transliteration: Rabbanaa hab lanaa min azwaajina wa zurriyyaatinaa qurrata a`yuniw waj alnaa lil muttaqeena imaamaa
Translation: Our lord grant us from our spouses and our offspring the coolness of our eyes and make us guides for the God-fearing.
We make supplicate that Allah brings ease and happiness in their marriage. Ameen
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Hanif Yusuf Patel
Student Darul Iftaa
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
 [Sunan at-Tirmidhi, 1993]
 [Majma` az-Zawaa’id, 4:307]
 أيما امرأة ماتت وزوجها عنها راض دخلت الجنة
[Sunan at-tirmidhi, 1161]
 خيركم خيركم لأهله
[Sunan at-Tirmidhī; Mishkāt al-Masābīh, 3252]
 فاتقو الله في النساء فإنكم أخذتموهن بأمانة الله
[Sunan Abi Dawud, 1905; Sunan an-Nasa`I, 4001 & 9179; Sunan Ibn Majah, 3066]
 وإن خفتم شقاق بينهما فابعثوا حكما من أهله وحكما من أهلها إن يريدا إصلاحا يوفق الله بينهما إن الله كان عليما خبيرا
[Al-Qur`an, 4: 35]
 [Al-Qur`an, 25: 74]