Brother, I cannot make sense of what has happened in my life in the past 6 months. I was sincere believer and wanted to get as close as possible to Allah (swt). I will be grateful if you can offer some useful advice.
Please help me solve this problem. Everything is summarised.
I had to take a year out of medical school because of bad ocd (Waswasah). During my year out, I dedicated my life to learning about Islam. I also started to preach, over 50 conversations.
I also noticed something strange happened during my year out. I kept noticing the number 48 and + sign too often as special key moments. I found it very strange and made dua (prayer) to God, to help me explain. I then remembered that nobody knows what Alim Laam Meem Means. I went upstairs, realised Alif was letter number 1, Laam was letter 23, Meem was letter number 24, all added up together to 48.
I read on islamqa karaamaat (a type of miracle) can happen to saints. I concluded this had happened to me. I thought I was now a close friend of Allah (swt) and went to Edinburgh, Manchester and London to preach.
Later I read a book about end times and the Mahdi. During my Namaz (prayer), my heart guided me that I am the Mahdi. I thought this was strange, how could I be the Mahdi. But it happened again in 2 Rakat Nafl prayer. I knew everything happened by the will of God so I thought my heart is telling the truth.
I was going to go to Pakistan to preach even further. My parents got concerned and took me to hospital. The doctor said I had bi-polar disorder, a condition in which you get really hyper and do lots of activity. I was shocked because I thought it was my passion for God and Islam.
People laughed at me in the hospital when I told them I was the Mahdi. I realised that I had been misguided the whole time and went into a state of psychological break down and shock. My faith went down, I could not believe why God let this happen to me. I now wonder if God even exists. They say Allah is sufficient for all your needs – I have made so much dua to God to explain all this but I have got no help.
On the 27th night of Ramadhan, I made dua (prayer) and that night I had a dream that I will not find out if I am going to Hellfire or Paradise till the day of Judgement. It was scary. I thought I was guaranteed Paradise because I have a Qur’an hafiz in my family.
I have now almost lost my mind and find it hard to concentrate in a conversation with anybody because I am in such a state of psychological shock. Therefore, please reply in writing
Please do not lie to me or give me false reassurance. Can you please explain all this story Islamically because it makes no sense. I am losing my faith. My faith was my life.
Answer:
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
As-salāmu ‘alaykum wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.
Primarily, the error you committed was to allow yourself to fall victim to your assumptions and superstitions without seeking the guidance of a Scholar. It is important to maintain effective communication and consultation with scholars who are prudent, knowledgeable, experienced and foresighted.
Allah Ta`ala says:
فاسألوا أهل الذكر إن كنتم لا تعلمون
Translation: So ask the people of knowledge if you do not know[1]
Islam also gives due importance to from where knowledge is sought. Muhammad Ibn Sirin (may Allah have His mercy upon him) said:
إن هذا العلم دين فأنظروا عن من تأخذون دينكم
Translation: Verily this knowledge is a matter of Deen, so be mindful who you take your religion from[2].
You are incorrect to have assumed that the Arabic letters represent the number at which they occur in the alphabet. In fact, the letters of the Arabic alphabet are assigned numerical values based on a decimal numerical system known as the `Abjad numerals`. As such, Alif, Laam and Meem will not add up to forty-eight but to seventy-one since the letters Alif, Laam and Meem represent one, thirty and forty, respectively.
Sainthood is not in assuming a miracle or in assigning certain numbers with specific moments. True sainthood and entry into Paradise is adopting the cloak of Sunnah, reviving the Din in one`s life and pleasing Allah at all times. Your thoughts or assumptions on your sainthood and lost in faith do not represent or construct reality. In fact, on entertaining such thoughts, you must pray:
اعوذ بالله من الشيطان الرجيم
Translation: I seek refuge with Allah from the cursed Satan[3].
We advise you to contact a reliable scholar in your locality who you could confide in and overcome your state; also seek medical help. You may also submit yourself to a psychiatrist or a psychologist who specialises in diagnosing disorders. They may be able to assist you in identifying and diagnosing the root of your problem and in providing a suitable remedy and cure.
The affair of Imam Mahdi`s appearance has been kept so mysterious that Imam Mahdi himself will not be aware of his status until the time preceding his emergence from the land of Khurasan[4] and subsequent disclosure before the masses. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said:
المهدي منا، أهل البيت ، يصلحه الله في ليلة
Mahdi will be from us, the Ahl al-Bayt. Allah will give him his capability overnight[5].
Imam Mahdi will from the progeny of Fatimah (may Allah be pleased with her)[6] and will not be required to introduce himself and seek acceptance and obedience from others. He (peace be upon him) also said:
The true Mahdi is not in need of anyone calling to him, Allah it will reveal him to mankind when He wishes and they will recognise him by signs that will attest to him[7].
The facts that Mahdi will emerge from Khurasan, that he will be from the progeny of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon) him, and that there are various signs preceding the arrival of Mahdi which have not occurred yet, all substantiate that you cannot be Mahdi.
Brother, we sympathise with you. You were led astray by your superstitions and the whispers of Satan. Satan had clearly capitalised on your lack of guidance and consultation from the Ulema. You should be grateful to Allah giving you the ability to seek counsel on your issue. Thank Allah and follow upon the guidance given above. May Allah keep you steadfast on Din and protect you from the whispers of the Nafs and Satan. Ameen.
And Allah Ta’āla Knows Best
Hanif Yusuf Patel
Student Darul Iftaa
UK
Checked and Approved by,
Mufti Ebrahim Desai.
References
[1] [Al-Qur`an, 16: 43]
[2] [Sahih Muslim, 1: 11 Qadimi Kutub Khana]
[3] وإما ينزغنك من الشيطان نزغ فاستعذ بالله إنه سميع عليم
[Al-Qur`an, 7:200]
[4] [Musnad al-Imam Ahmad, 23510]
[5] [Sunan Ibne Majah, 4072; Musnad al-Imam Ahmad, 650]
[6] قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: المهدي من ولد فاطمة
[Sunan Ibn Majah, 4077; Sunan Abi Dawud, 4284]
[7] [Ashrat as-Sa’ah, page 28]